« SHonestly, I’m not sure I’ll spend the next election nights with him,” says Claire*, 41 years old. The “him” this Parisian woman speaks of is none other than Vincent*, the man who has shared her life for seven years. Since the dissolution of the National Assembly, the couple has had a series of arguments over politics. For Claire, the response to the current rift in French political life must involve a vote for Emmanuel Macron’s presidential majority. Vincent will, for his part, vote on Sunday for the New Popular Front (NFP). “In my opinion, the danger for our country has never been so significant, whether coming from La France insoumise or the National Rally,” explains Claire. However, he thinks that this danger has never been so great only because of the RN. And that is the crux of our disagreement. »
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Vincent, for his part, cannot stand the speeches putting a sign of equality between the NFP and the RN, and tries to convince his partner to vote left. “Our common ground is the fight against the extreme right,” he explains. For him, the only alternative to the National Rally is a vote for the NFP, “given that Renaissance is strawberries”. But nothing to do, for three weeks, the discussion has made very little progress and quarrels have multiplied, whether on the subject of the ministerial aspirations of Jean-Luc Mélenchon, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict or even the Islamic veil.
Seven out of ten couples in political agreement
According to an Ifop survey in partnership with Gleeden (a site specializing in adulterous encounters), carried out in 2022, the marital choices of the French conform to a logic of political homogamy. In fact, as sociologist and political scientist Anne Muxel writes in the 2015 study “Political pluralism put to the test of private life”, “within the couple, politics refers to a whole register of values and convictions requiring mutual agreement on the great fundamental principles. In her survey, the sociologist and political scientist affirms that political homogamy concerns nearly seven out of ten couples. Thus, the vast majority of French people consider that you have to be in political agreement to love each other.
READ ALSO “A “fascist hunt”! »: when the family is torn apart around the legislative electionsIf Claire and her partner do not share their political opinions, the fact remains that they love each other. But it is clear that the current situation is not easy for the two forty-year-olds. “I have a hard time with the situation. I am very worried about the political situation in the country and when you are in a relationship, you want to be able to share your fears and anxieties with the person you love. Unfortunately, today, I feel a lack and a frustration of not being able to do it completely,” confides Vincent.
“It’s very difficult to talk to each other,” Claire confesses. “He’s also convinced that I’m being manipulated by my parents, which is quite an unpleasant argument at 41.” The exceptional situation in the country is forcing their couple to make exceptional decisions. For example, they have mutually agreed that Vincent will not, for the moment, have lunch on Sundays at Claire’s parents’ house, for fear of major arguments in the presence of their child.
Young people and left-wing voters are resistant to heterogeneous couples
Unlike our couple of Parisian executives, for some, it is unthinkable to start a marital relationship with a person of an opposing political persuasion. According to the work of Anne Muxel, left-wing voters are more intransigent on this point than those of the right: 81% of the former cannot envisage a relationship with a far-right voter. According to the Ifop survey, taking into account the votes for the 2022 presidential election, 69% of Yannick Jadot’s voters, 62% of Valérie Pécresse’s voters and 60% of Jean-Luc Mélenchon’s voters would refuse to enter into a relationship with a person with radically opposed political opinions. This is more than among the voters of Emmanuel Macron (53%), Marine Le Pen (53%) or Éric Zemmour (37%).
READ ALSO “I didn’t imagine that about her”: friendship put to the test in the legislative electionsFigures that confirm the existence, as Anne Muxel writes, of “a clearly marked tropism on the left towards an obligation of agreement between affinity links, the springs of which are part of the very history of political cultures”. The history of the left being based on a collective vision of social progress, while that of the right rather on a desire for freedom and individual achievement.
According to the results of the Ifop survey, if the number of couples not getting married due to political differences remains limited, it could quickly increase in the coming years due to young people who are very sensitive to political understanding. In fact, 50% of 18-24 year olds say they refuse to enter into a relationship for this reason, while the rate is only 32% among 25-34 year olds and 17% among those aged 35 and over.
“Disagreement does not mean disenchantment”
Politics is a source of tension that can sometimes even cause a couple to break up. This is the case for 20% of French people and 48% of 18-24 year-olds, according to the Ifop study. Without going as far as breaking up, the risk of tensions linked to politics is the complication of the relationship. “I really hope that the quarrels with Claire will not damage our relationship,” Vincent worries. “I forgive her and we will not separate because of that because, without having the same diagnosis, the most important thing for us, deep down, are the same causes, that is to say the ecological peril, the freedom to undertake or not to do so, for example,” adds his partner.
READ ALSO “The war of the clans is declared”: when politics creates tensions at workAs Claire explains – as well as the sociological literature – an agreement on values is much more important to the proper functioning of a couple than political similarity. “Disagreement does not mean disaffection. Listening is not approving,” says Raphaëlle de Foucauld. According to this couples therapist**, the key to ensuring that a couple does not explode due to political differences lies in communication. “The problem with these couples is seeking the other’s support. A couple that functions well will be able to discover and try to understand the other’s world without judgment, by putting in kindness, rather than trying to convince their partner,” explains the woman who, in the event of an argument, advises postponing the discussion, with a clear head, with a posture of listening and understanding. And she wants to reassure: “Yes, a couple can function very well by putting a different ballot in the box.”
* First name changed.
** Also founder of the conversation games “2 minutes of happiness” and creator of the Bulle de bonheur podcasts.
