Whether or not he got his hands on the party’s Twitter codes, it doesn’t matter: Eric Ciotti has in any case just scattered the Internet in little pieces like a puzzle. Little best of.
A controversial ADEME study estimates that digital pollution in France is worrying (2.5% of the country’s greenhouse gas emissions). Since Tuesday, most of these CO2 emissions are directly attributable to Éric Ciotti. It’s quite simple, the Internet only talks about him. And since the tragicomic vaudeville that is taking place at Les Républicains already has more twists and turns than the party has voters, it has become nonsense.
Certainly the mischievous Internet users did not have to take much trouble: the mere account of the events would be enough in itself to cheer up a UDI senator. Let’s put it bluntly: until this week, it was more realistic to imagine General de Gaulle indicted than to imagine the deputy for Alpes-Maritimes as a charismatic hero of a political saga.
It’s the element of surprise that first inspired Twitter (sorry Elon, but no one says “X”): “I admit that Ciotti physically barricading himself in the Republican HQ while the office tries to come and grab him by the neck was not in my 2024 bingo”aptly notes a certain @princech1904.
We can no longer count the string of Twitter users who joked about the blurring of the boundaries between reality and fiction: “It’s a pity that there have been Netflix cameras since Sunday evening to capture all of this”, begs @PierreLepel… ah, well, our esteemed colleague Pierre Lepelletier. Who is already working on season 2 of the series by following the negotiations on the left for the Popular Front (but that’s another story, each thing in its time).
Did we say: “not the physical”?
And since of all the Internet jokers, the editorial journalists are not the least inspired, let us quote here the peaceful proposal from friend Ronan Planchon: “For LR, we could perhaps try the two-state solution”.
Less friendly, the detractors of the decision taken by the president of the LR (well, the ex-president dismissed but suspended because the court has not yet ruled on… well, in short), allow themselves a number of jokes on the physical, which is their strictest right since Éric Ciotti is neither a woman, nor any representative of a minority victim of systemic discrimination (being bald doesn’t count).
Read alsoÉric Ciotti excluded from LR: battle for control of Republican social networks
And besides, since we’re talking about far-fetched jokes, one of them definitely stood out on Twitter: “I really want to say that Ciotti will be shorn at the Liberation but hey, that’s what”finely analyzes @MoreauAugustin, whose laconic biography tells us that he is a collaborator… (parliamentarian, everything is fine, don’t panic).
In the same register, but for people of letters, there are countless allusions to Jean Dujardin’s famous line in OSS 117: “You are not only a coward, you are a traitor! As your small size suggested!, eruditely quotes @MemesPolitiks. For the full information of our readers, it should be noted that the cinematographic reference is enriched with a dairy pun, which we will let you appreciate for yourselves.
It’s not usually size that counts, but when it comes to Éric Ciotti, anything goes since Bernard Cazeneuve one day told him in the National Assembly: “When I sit or stand, I am the same height anyway: that’s what brings me closer to Mr. Ciotti” (it was January 28, 2016, and the person concerned had laughed out loud).
The balcony scene
It must be said that, probably for fear of having the spotlight stolen, Éric Ciotti wanted to perfect the staging. We would have already thought the end of Act I was written by Feydeau: it is this scene where a pissed off Annie Genevard herself came to break down the door of the party headquarters from which Ciotti was thought to have been cut off there. , had in fact never crossed the threshold (he was at the same time or almost boasting on TV). Curtain, intermission. Act II, scene 1: this time the president of the party dramatizes his arrival at headquarters, which he enters with a triumphant air before reappearing through the window, from a balcony which gives the drama a Shakespearean accent.
The “balcony scene” was already doomed to all parodic diversions. It’s obviously @IllumiReptilien who imagines the madman armed with an automatic rifle, waiting for the GIGN with an air of defiance.
It is once again the future former Minister of Housing, Guillaume Kasbarian, who suddenly gains the black belt in the art of trolling by promoting his own law: “Attention Éric Ciotti, for a year thanks to the Kasbarian law, the procedure in the event of squatting has been accelerated. Dear friends of the Republicans, here’s how to do it”comments the minister, attaching a summary of the procedures to follow to evict a squatter.
Besides, can Eric Ciotti really be considered a squatter? With our colleagues from Figaro Immobilierany news is good for distilling some valuable advice to our owner readers….
Read alsoCan Éric Ciotti, excluded from LR, be compared to a squatter?
Secondary characters
Finally, what would a hero be without the support of secondary characters? They were also entitled to the honors they deserved. Starting with the only one who, for once, had not yet taken part in the affair: Nicolas Sarkozy was invoked by @MrKaiz by means of a well-felt video photomontage, soberly titled “It’s time to call the negotiator”. Allusion to the hostage-taking that occurred in a nursery school in Neuilly in May 1993, and where the then mayor, Nicolas Sarkozy, negotiated in person with the hostage-taker to release children under the gaze of the cameras.
Moreover, even if it means drawing on the biography of Nicolas Sarkozy, who was in history the first boss of the right to remind us that heroism is not reserved only for the physiques of basketball players, let us cite yet another very inspired diversion . On a montage by @LeMTempete, the former president of the Republicans addresses his successor with authority: “Well come on… come down a little!”. The most alert hagiographers will of course have recognized the legendary Sarkozy bloodshed, which occurred in Brittany in 2007 during a trip to visit fishermen.
For the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress, the winner is undoubtedly Valérie Pécresse, whose rolling up of her sleeves was one of the most beautiful cinematic moments of the day. The image is almost sufficient in itself. Note this powerful analysis from @Rkefi: “She rolled up her sleeves as if she were setting up the marbler with her bare hands. This June 12 must become a public holiday. This day must not be forgotten.”.
What should we end our anthology with? Perhaps with this parody video which will go down in history: “to work for France”jokes an Internet user, publishing a video showing Éric Ciotti looking proudly at the crowd of journalists, before slowly sitting down in front of a completely empty desk, to the background of epic music… Ah, no wait, it seems that it was actually Eric Ciotti who posted the video himself.
