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“When I was young, if we kissed or slept together, it was obvious that we were in an exclusive relationship. Now, we don’t know when we are in a relationship. We have the impression that we are an object that we take, that we throw away”
LOVE LIFE – Since the creation of Tinder in 2012, dating applications have changed the way people form a relationship. To the point that in France, 2.3 million people used it daily in 2023 according to figures from Médiamétrie.
But if long-time singles have seen their love lives gradually change since the arrival of apps, those who take the wagon on the way tend to become disillusioned. In a relationship for the last decade, three newly single people told HuffPost the dizziness of discovering dating applications and the “dating” market of 2024.
“We have the impression of being an object that we take and throw away”
“Separated after 27 years of relationship, I was very far from these ways of doing things, I had read a few articles but very few people close to me had spoken to me about it. After four years of being single, I started it on the advice of a friend.
I registered on Meetic and Adopte and it was dizzying: a hundred likes in a week, twenty messages from men, it’s as if there was a frenzied consumption of profiles. In real life, you don’t meet 100 people in seven days! This change in meeting methods implies changes in romantic practices. The messages are not necessarily kind or interesting. Communications suddenly stop, people disappear. It’s very destabilizing: when I want to stop a discussion, I say so! It’s a minimum of politeness.
I was also shocked by the fact that many men talk about sexuality very quickly, the conversation very quickly slides into this area whereas for me, it is inconceivable that we would talk about that even before we met. And then, from now on, we have to put words to everything. When I was young, if we kissed or slept together, it was obvious that we were in an exclusive relationship. Now, we don’t know when we are in a relationship. We have the impression that we are an object that we take and throw away. So I stopped everything: for me, apps are a smokescreen. »
Juliette, 51 years old
“I quickly came back”
“Before I was single, I would often swipe on a friend’s Tinder account to see, to have fun. When I left my ex after more than ten years of relationship, it was this same friend who signed me up on Tinder. Then I downloaded other apps.
At the beginning, I was a bit addicted, I had a fairly heavy consumption. I told myself that there were so many possibilities open to me, I found it crazy and a little funny to be able to talk with all these guys who would never have calculated me in a bar, people who were super different from my usual circle. It feels good to have access to fluid encounters, to be able to clearly say that you are only interested in sex without strings attached, for example. It allowed me to unwind my relationship with sexuality.
But after a few months, I started to find it a little boring. There is a uniformity of profiles, and we quickly see those who put the same thing out of being too lazy to fill in boxes. “My interests are traveling and pizza”, that’s not exciting… I find that apps take away from spontaneity. You have to make a good impression straight away, the first date has to go well because otherwise, there won’t be another one, you know there are 15 other people waiting after you. I try to move away from it a little because I quickly come back from it. »
Hélène*, 37 years old
“When you don’t look like a typical profile, it’s depressing”
“After seven years of marriage, I found myself single in my late twenties and refused to use apps for five years. I knew it wouldn’t be for me: I’m not the type of person who has an “attractive” profile. I’m not very tall, I’m not really handsome… When I got on the apps and saw that everyone put their height on them, I said to myself, this is a bad start.
I was surprised to discover that the profiles looked very similar. When you’re a guy, you have to be tall. In general, you have to be thin, show that you are sporty with photos of yourself hiking (abroad because you also have to show that you are traveling), put photos of yourself in “cool” atmospheres “. I’m not criticizing people who do it, but it’s so depressing when you don’t fit into those boxes, you feel like you’re missing out.
When I had matches, I found that the conversations were a little sluggish, unnatural, as if everyone was thinking about catchphrases because everyone receives them all day… Absolutely , it made me a little sad. I prefer to focus on random encounters and hope to meet nice people rather than wasting my time – because clearly, it’s time-consuming. »
Olivier*, 33 years old
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