Marie-Pierre, 65, and Richard, 67, have been a couple for 41 years. They lived their adult lives side by side, from the ups and downs of professional life to the happiness and joys of parental life. But when the couple retires, the balance is threatened.
Marie-Pierre is visibly in a state of distress: “All I could do was cry. In the morning, I got up and started crying. I was crying in my kitchen. I cried when Richard said something to me or when I had to run an errand. Everything was too complicated and I could no longer manage daily life. Richard tried to help me by taking a little more than his share or talking with me. But I couldn’t do it. Even speaking with him had become difficult. Everything was blocked, especially what had to do with him. The only time I felt a little better was when I was all alone in my office. »
My unhappiness came from my husband
At first she thought she was suffering from depression: “I went to see our general practitioner so that she could recommend a specialist or prescribe me medication. She took it seriously and wanted to take the time to have a good discussion. At first, she thought like me that it could be depression. And then she realized that everything revolved around Richard. That’s why she suggested we start with couples therapy. Luckily, she knew someone and got us an appointment very quickly. »
There was something wrong
Richard, who is worried about his wife, accompanies her without asking any questions: “I think that on the first dates, it was not said that we had a problem. He thought he was doing this to help me get better. But I already knew that the crux of the problem was in our relationship. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me. There was something wrong anymore. I was sure I loved him but I no longer knew how we could live together. It was speaking in this office with the couples therapist that allowed me to fully understand. »
Richard therefore hears his wife tell him that she no longer knows what they are still doing together: “For Marie-Pierre, we had gone through all the stages. We had made our careers, we had our children, we had made our lives and we were retired. In his head, there was nothing left afterward except death and possibly illness before. This is a very bleak view of the future. And since I didn’t suspect that she could think things like that, I wasn’t able to give her a vision of our life together in the medium or long term.
Understand the problems
This is what the therapy was used for in the second phase. First, we had to understand what was wrong and then what we could do about it. Once words were put to the problems, I would say it was pretty quick. In less than 4 months, our problem was resolved. We just had to take that step towards each other and accept help from outside. I’m not saying it was easy to do but it was clearly the only right decision to make. »
With the therapist, the couple builds a future again: “We started by dreaming of a vacation together, to think back to a trip that we had never taken due to lack of means and time and that we could consider again. Afterwards, we were able to talk about the house and say that maybe we wanted to live elsewhere. And then we also talked about the grandchildren we hope to have one day. On a daily basis, we didn’t talk about all that at all. We managed the obvious things, the shopping, the papers, the garden. And we never took the time to have long conversations about the future.
In less than 4 months, our problem was resolved
While it is obvious that we have a future! We are both in good health and we still have many good years to live ahead of us. Life is not over at 65 and fortunately so. I think that Marie-Pierre just didn’t have any references to hold on to. His parents died before their 70th birthday and so did his grandparents. We have people around us who are falling ill and even two close friends who have already passed away. Marie-Pierre’s brother left us after a devastating cancer. These are not things that help us move forward in life as seniors.
Open a new chapter
And I don’t even personally see myself as a senior yet. But we have to face the facts: after retirement, life has to be reinvented. And it’s a process that requires being active, which requires taking the time to think, especially if there are two of us. We let things happen, that’s where it got us.
Marie-Pierre suffered a lot for several months. But we were lucky to have a very good general practitioner who understood our problem rather quickly, perhaps because she is more or less our age. Living your retirement together is a real life project, it doesn’t just happen. By doing this therapy, I felt like I was redoing my wedding vows. It was like another departure, the opening of the new chapter of our life together. »
 and Richard (67 years old) “I no longer knew what we were doing together”){kind=link}