TESTIMONY. “Silence helps me rebuild myself”, they choose to withdraw from the world to better find themselves

In our era which advocates self-development, silence retreats arouse keen interest. The principle: leave behind your habits, your work, your family. Silent in a group to calm down, does the experience keep its promises? In this second part on silence we go to meet a coach and participants.

“We are no longer aware that our bodies are in overdrive, in hypervigilance. There is something in us that is always attracted by the outside. We run conditioned by a goal, confusing the quest for pleasure and that of happiness. Are we hardly satisfied that we wonder when our next ice cream will be?
In my practice I proclaim this nonsense” explains Françoise McLean, mindfulness and silence retreat coach.

“We rarely listen to silence. We tirelessly hide it with our thoughts and our agitation. But it is always there, like a big blue sky, accessible and rejuvenating. It brings us back to confidence and tranquility. To access it, mindfulness meditation is one way. It’s a learning process, a drop-off, a withdrawal. It requires the courage to interrupt the flight forward into doing, or the flight backward into regret or reproach. By training he gradually tames himself.” explains the coach.

It’s a re-education, you have to reformat yourself.

A former high-level sportswoman, the hyperactive Valérie Tiberghien never sat down. “I wasn’t listening to my body. I had to move forward. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I suddenly understood that my body was saying stop. Stop, settle down. I went to see Françoise McLean to learn how to Today I naturally take breaks several times during the day. Some days this quest is difficult, I only find noise, I think about my worries. my attention and my breathing. Learning is technical. Breathe, listen to what is happening around you, what do you feel? physical, you can do it anywhere, anytime, even in a meeting with lots of people.” she expresses enthusiastically.

I am with myself, I listen to myself. It’s stop thinking, it’s just feeling.

“Lhen an event overwhelms me, for example an unpleasant thought, I no longer feel obliged to react, to respond directly. I am able to decide on a stop. I send myself a signal that makes me leave the environment around me, enter an inner silence to take a step back” she continues.

“When we arrive at a retreat of silence, meals, room, everything is ready. There is nothing left to do, but a lot to undo” explains the MBSR instructor – Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. This secular program created in 1979 by Jon Kabat-Zinn, American doctor in molecular biology, introduces meditation and silence into the field of medicine.

For 10 years the instructor has ended the cycle of these training courses, 30 hours of mindfulness meditation over 8 weeks, with a day of silence. Smile on her lips, she defines it for us :

“When your mind is no longer preoccupied then it is the most beautiful season of your life”

“During retreats, we seek Noble Silence, Inner Silence. From those registered I ask for knowledge of meditation and good psychological health. I advise against participating in times of mourning or depression. The day before the day of silence we have dinner together, we exchange, trust is established The next day: as a group, get used to silence by remaining still, having lunch, meditating. explains the coach.

The participants say:

“I found myself in tetany at the first session, body pressed to the ground, unable to chase away intrusive thoughts. I was stuck in my life on autopilot mode. Today meditation and silence breathe more awareness into my existence, awaken me. I observe, take time to reflect, analyze. I cultivate this silence formally, 45 minutes a day, and informally, paying attention deliberately to what presents itself. effort” develops Laurence Leguiffan, retired English teacher.

To enter into silence is to realize that when I sing I sing… it is to learn to direct one’s attention to one thing. It’s being in the present moment.
“It allows you to be, to stop doing, to refocus.” explains the coach.

Little by little I anchor reflexes to find alignment.

“Slowly a quiet silence and inner peace overtake me” continues Emmanuel Delcourt, entrepreneur in agricultural distribution.

“A silence retreat may also not meet your expectations. “Based on a positive experience, I signed up for a longer silence retreat. Its extreme rigor made me experience moments of boredom and anxiety, long hours of immobility, no activity, no contact , no advice… ” deplores Mélodie Klein, IMP companion.

The silence often weighed on me.

“Finding something to be happy sustainably and independently is the second motivation of those registered. We are wired to survive but not to be happy. The basic question is: what truly makes you happy? For me it is to be at peace with what is. I am neither indifferent, nor jaded, nor distraught. I see and accept what is really and not what I would like to see. explains Françoise McLean.

“Silence gives me the strength to take a step aside. I let myself go through difficulties without necessarily falling with them” adds Emmanuel Delcourt.

Silence brings me resilience and a taste for life.

“We learn to manage ourselves alone. We know that we will not change others. We no longer try to change them” expresses convinced Laurence Leguiffan.

It’s non-judgment, we accept.

“Little by little I understood that I was reacting unconsciously taking beliefs for granted even if they were false. My thoughts were distorting reality. I really changed my behavior towards those around me. I admit it as that it is. This benefit is enormous” she continues.

“Silence is nothing more than what is contained between one note and another” said Claude Debussy. So that it gives even more momentum and beauty to any piece of music.
“In the silence, he there is a beauty to inhabit, an availability. There is inner silence, or that which punctuates our conversations and allows new ideas to emerge. Silence is a universal space that we share without being burdened with words. An area infinity” expresses the coach.

“When I met Françoise McLean, she began by defining stress as a particular relationship between oneself and one’s environment. I was tested, in moral and physical danger. Skeptical, I signed up for the course. We talked about our reactions, our behaviors Stressed and aggressive I left no space between myself and events The silence revealed to me, I realized that I had innate resources within me to stop this thought pattern and this way. to be. I opened myself to an “unlearning”. What I thought I knew really prevented me from learning, Socrates said, finally I was on the path to clairvoyance and took back the reins. of my life” deposes Laurence Leguiffan.

Silence allows you to find the right version of yourself.

Testimony : Neither “show-off nor “lie”, for Guirec Soudée, silence cures are essential to come face to face with oneself.

Silence therapy

Silence would be good for your health.
Practicing moments of silence leads us to emotional well-being, empathy and compassion.
“If, for example, I don’t sleep at night, I try to rediscover my feelings of inner silence. It has consolidated my sleep and my zenitude. I am calmer and no longer let myself be completely overwhelmed. I feel more supported in life, less destabilized” explains Emmanuel Delcourt.

Silence is a weapon to react, bounce back and protect yourself.

“Often tense, today I am able to clear my mind thanks to my breathing techniques. Silence has something preventative. My immune system has really strengthened. I am much less physically and mentally ill. school we teach children to take care of their bodies through physical education, why not lessons, to learn to connect to their own emotions. This mental sport contributes to a healthy lifestyle.” expresses Laurence Leguiffan.

“Silence is a healing of the soul, by freeing my words it helps me to rebuild myself“ says Marie-Claire Jourdan, business manager of a nursery.” “It’s difficult to understand everything that happens to you during a first silence retreat. It was only during my second, a gift from my husband on my 50th birthday, that I realized that in this privileged moment he a lot was happening both in my head and in my body. Little by little I changed my behavior, abandoned toxic relationships and managed to show myself as I truly am today. ‘a better image of myself today’ she continues.

“Silence erases the notion of urgency. It made me realize that I often imposed constraints on myself which ultimately could be managed differently and more quickly. And this time saved I dedicate to doing nothing. I do less stressful life choices” develops the artist Anita Niera amusedly.

We are eternal apprentices. “You need tenderness, kindness, compassion with yourself and rather than blaming yourself, you should say I did my best. A silence retreat is not psychotherapy. I do not guarantee a result It’s just another way of being, it’s blowing on the embers of life, looking beyond one’s little self, putting oneself “in the service of the world” and in turn it. transform by thanking, listening and loving each other” concludes Françoise McLean philosophically.