The words are chilling. The resignation that accompanies them even more. “The sensation was that of rape. I was made to do something I didn’t want to do that night. I wanted to touch her, to caress her, to explore her body, but I didn’t want to go all the way because she didn’t want to. (…) I felt like I was violating myself, because I forced myself. At one point I told him: “I don’t want to try again“ and she replied: “But it has to be.” »
In the ultra-Orthodox Jewish tradition, marriage follows a certain number of customs. Among them, the wedding night in “the isolation room”. “I didn’t feel like this act created a bond between us. And this trauma persists. I barely knew my husband, and I had to do something I didn’t want to do.”explains an anonymized woman.
Rachel Elitzur drew on her own experience as an Orthodox Jew to make this documentary around wedding nights. She collected testimonies from men and women from the Israeli community who wished to remain anonymous and had their words interpreted by actors.
In the style of a making of, in a studio and under spotlights with multiple cables, the exchanges between the journalist and the actors are filmed. A bold choice which gives the viewer the impression of overhearing a conversation and delving a little deeper into the intimacy of these couples.
Implacable religious law
Customs are harsh and religious law indisputable. So much so that it too often snatches away the end of adolescence. “I was a little over 18 when I met him. The next day, we saw each other a second time and, that same evening, the marriage was decided. (…) I knew we should hug and sleep naked, but I thought babies were born through the navel”says a witness.
He pursues : “I had no sexual awareness. My marriage counselor explained everything to me. But we hadn’t prepared her. She was only told that we would come home and her husband would do things. »
Patriarchal oppression, in its Orthodox Jewish version, haunts the documentary. As when this man describes having been guided by a spiritual director: “We were mainly talking about the fact that women are influenced by their feelings, while men are guided by reason. » In marriage preparation classes, women are taught that they should appreciate and honor their husbands, because “man is the light of their life”. An edifying documentary.
wedding nightsArte, 10:35 p.m.
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