[Satiriquement Vôtre] Vote or soap opera: live electoral suspense

Do these elections still feel like a political race? Or a captivating soap opera where voters oscillate between promises and juicy revelations? Every day, a new intrigue, a new promise, a new twist emerges: promises of a salary increase, boosted allowances, 14th month, exceptional bonuses… The surge of generosity would make even Santa Claus pale in the middle of the holiday season. All this, of course, wrapped in a disarming sincerity that would melt the most hardened hearts.

In this symphony of promises, one would almost believe that politicians have unearthed some sort of magical cornucopia. And of course, there’s no need to wonder how it will all be financed. Details, details! After all, it’s not like reality is going to come knocking after the election, right?

But that’s not all. While some try to woo voters with their generous promises, others distract them with a barrage of scandals. Enter Missier Moustass, the superhero of political espionage, with his arsenal of stolen phone records.

Every day, he unveils little sound bombs that reveal the compromising comments of well-placed politicians and people in power. And we want more! With each new tape, it’s a bit like waiting for the next season of our favorite series – the suspense is unbearable, the audience delighted.

For its part, Anonymous, the pro-government digital vigilante, counterattacks by releasing recordings to embarrass the other side. This helps maintain the balance of gossip. It’s like we’re watching an Olympic competition of embarrassing revelations.

Voters get their fill of it, served twice a day as if it were a medication prescribed for the boredom of political life. At this rate, who still has time to read the programs? Just listen to the latest rumors!

And in this symphony of promises and scandals, the voter? This poor creature tossed between tempting promises and exposed secrets, he struggles to keep a cool head. The undecided change their minds with each new revelation. Convictions evaporate and candidates are unmasked… and all this live! At this point, voting almost becomes a gamble: choose the “least worst” candidate or let yourself be guided by the latest rumor?

But all this has not discouraged those who prefer “old school” campaigns. So, we whisper in the corners, we appeal to the old reflexes of communal loyalty, secretly hoping that this will influence “the silent mass” who still remain outside this permanent show. Ah, the good old days when an electoral campaign was carried out discreetly, without going through the radio soap opera box!

The voters, lost in this theater of shadows and lights, no longer know where to turn. Do we vote for promises as spectacular as the payment of a 14th month? Or for those who seem to have escaped scandals, at least so far? At this rate, voting becomes a difficult choice between comedy and drama.

No need to turn on the television, because this campaign, with its daily revelations and exuberant promises, already provides all the entertainment needed. Politics has never so captivated the island’s attention. The incredible promises and daily revelations contained in the secret soundtracks transform each citizen into a spectator of a soap opera with twists and turns, worthy of the best telenovelas.

The children discover that the “14th month” is not a magical month of the year, but an electoral promise. Adults debate “low fuel” with a mix of skepticism and hope. The elders shake their heads, amused by each new revelation. Even the most jaded, usually impervious to campaigns, now watch for every announcement and scandal, as we follow the twists and turns of a saga that almost makes us forget reality.

Come on, courage, dear voter! In two days, all this will end – or start again in a new form. As for whether it will be for better or worse… that will undoubtedly remain the mystery of the next episode.

Eshan Dinally