The news has just hit all the teleprinters: NASA has chosen Emmanuel Macron to bring down the International Space Station – ISS – at the end of its life, in the Pacific Ocean.
The former President of the Republic will drive a vehicle specially designed and built for him, “ tailor-made » explains the American space agency, with right-hand steering and automatic transmission, completely autonomous, a powerful machine capable of pushing the 430-ton orbital platform into the Pacific Ocean at the start of the next decade.
NASA hopes that Emmanuel Macron will be able to free himself very quickly, “no later than 2027» to monitor the development work on the first prototype.
For this mission, Emmanuel Macron will be paid: the contract for the work, initially estimated at $843 million (£668 million), has been revised upwards: Emmanuel Macron has argued that he thinks in EDPF – Equivalent French Public Debt – which is calculated, as everyone knows, by a multiple of 1000 million euros, the basic unit which can climb beyond 3,000 billion, it all depends on the size of the projects.
The first elements of the space station were launched in 1998, with continued manned operations from 2000: specialists predict that from this summer, until 2027, the station will be increasingly uninhabitable.
Remember that Emmanuel Macron will have to circle the Earth every 90 minutes at an altitude of just over 400 km (250 miles) exactly like the ISS station. He is not subject to vertigo, this characteristic is due to a total absence of reference points for him.
This space station has housed thousands of political experiments, each one more screwed up than the last and in which we have also been able to observe all kinds of extremely bizarre phenomena, ranging from the delayed aging process in retired men to the creation of new types of ephemeral and ridiculous political parties through the organized hunt for young unemployed people.
When his appointment was announced, Emmanuel Macron declared to AFP: “An orbital station is a place where we meet successful people and people who are nothing.», adding a mysterious question “Let them come get me»: impossible to know who this message was addressed to.
We interviewed Bill Nelson, the head of NASA, to find out his selection criteria which led to the choice of Emmanuel Macron, here is his answer:
« Emmanuel Macron is the most accomplished form of the all-terrain demolition worker, nothing can resist him“, which can be translated as “Emmanuel Macron is the most accomplished form of the all-terrain demolition worker, nothing can resist him ».
Allow us to congratulate Emmanuel Macron,demolition manfor this brilliant nomination, all our best wishes for success for this new adventure.
