Switzerland Italy at the European Championship 2024: The big country comparison

Globes vs. Pinocchio

Pinocchio is world famous, but the idea that the Italian children’s book character’s nose grows when he lies seems pedagogically outdated. We praise Globi, a quirky parrot-person with a beret, always in a good mood. Created in 1933 as an advertising figure for the now ailing Globus department store, Globi has moved with the times. He even challenged Roger Federer in tennis. (sg.)

Point for Switzerland, we take the lead.

Matterhorn front view vs. Matterhorn rear view

We all have two sides. The chocolate side and the other, slightly less advantageous one. The same goes for the Matterhorn, the most famous of all four-thousand-meter peaks. Why is Switzerland the clear winner in this one-sided duel? We feast on the distinctively bent peak that lies on this side of the country’s border – while the Italians are left with the lackluster back. (How)

We easily increase the score to 2-0.

Paul Accola vs. Alberto Tomba

The Italian ski team had him: Alberto Tomba “La bomba”, a force of nature, a bon vivant who celebrated his victories as if there were no tomorrow. He drove up with young women in a Lamborghini, partied with the Milanese elite, and drank until late at night on race weekends. And we? We had him: Paul Accola, a farmer’s son from Davos, always slightly sour and annoyed, with a biting sense of humor and a direct manner. The duels with La Bomba are unforgettable. Nor is his appearance with Bagger in Thomas Gottschalk’s “Wetten, dass…?” (rha)

But unfortunately that is not enough in terms of glamour. The score is now only 2:1.

Christoph Blocher vs. Silvio Berlusconi

Blocher throws everything into it, but the opponent is tough. Blocher has a villa, Berlusconi had villas. Blocher has Teleblocher, Berlusconi had a media empire. Everyone just calls Blocher “dä Blocher”, Berlusconi called “il Cavaliere”. But we beat the Italians with the power of friendship. When Blocher and his colleagues sing “Welcome to SVP” under the SVP sun, Berlusconi’s party Forza Italia becomes jealous. (mro)

Switzerland is two points ahead again.

Kafi cream vs. Espresso

Of course, the Italians enjoyed their espresso, the essence of coffee culture, standing at the counter, purchased for a measly euro. But we drank the Kafi crème, a standard order in every country pub, at the table on which Kägi fret and Appenzeller Biberli were laid out, right next to the Ovomaltine-Chübeli for the empty Kafirähmli. (saw)

Surprising point for Switzerland – for the touch of home. We pull ahead to 4:1.

Coupe Denmark vs. Tiramisù

Tiramisù! A creation made for the trattoria and the stadium. There it is the highlight of the evening. There it is the highlight of the spectacle for footballers like Pippo Inzaghi, who can let themselves fall and stay lying there so beautifully. And who only manage to get back on their feet after hours of care. “Tirami sù”, Italian for “pull me up”, even though I’m doing brilliantly. Switzerland has little to counter such theatricality, and with the Coupe Denmark stolen from a French chef, they certainly have no chance. (okay)

But so far the result is just cosmetic. Still 4:2 for us.

Christian Stucki vs. Bud Spencer

They are as strong as bears and have acting talent: Christian Stucki and Bud Spencer. The 2019 wrestling champion also knows how to play with the camera – the film “Flitzer” sends its regards. But here he comes up short. After all, the late heavyweight from Naples – a two-time Olympian! – sweetened countless boring holidays for us. We agree on that, don’t we? Otherwise, you’ve probably never had your head parted with a sledgehammer. (mob)

Italy is hopeful again. 4:3.

Lake vs. Eros Ramazzotti

The Italian crooner storms forward, attacking is the “più bella cosa” for him, but the Büetzer boy defends everything, goes “up and down” himself and scores to make it 1-0. If he hadn’t been cautioned early on for his rather aggressive style of play, Gölä would have “done much worse”. Shortly afterwards, Büezer’s fitness deteriorates, probably also because of too much “dust in his lungs”. (lob)

Eros equalizes for Italy, 4:4.

Sauber vs. Ferrari

Enzo Ferrari’s words say it all: “Tell a child to draw a car and he will draw a red one.” And because Sauber is currently rolling through the Formula 1 season behind everyone else, the point clearly goes to Ferrari and Italy. (saw)

We are behind for the first time: 4:5.

“Bring en hey” vs. “An Italian estate”

Sorry, dear Baschi, you’ve got no chance. OK, the others are in pairs and you’re alone. But even five of you can’t compete with Gianna Nannini’s rough voice. Don’t take it personally, “Bring en hei” is great and funny and we like to sing along. But “Un’estate italiana” is simply number 1 among football songs. About the same as you are among the former “Musicstar” candidates. Okay? Okay! (mro)

Still bitter, now the score is already 4:6.

William Tell against…?

Desperately and waving their hands, the Italians search for a competitor for our William Tell in the rankings of the 2023 Field Crossbow World Championship. To no avail, because there is simply no one. Madonna! Smiling sympathetically and yet somewhat astonished at so much incompetence with the crossbow, we accept this point. (mro)

This brings us closer again.

Hausi Leutenegger vs. Flavio Briatore

We have to be honest: When it comes to who seduced which women, then Hausi National no chance against the PS playboy. Two of his exes: Naomi Campbell and Heidi Klum, top top top models, as Pep Guardiola would say. But what is that worth if your heart is not in the right place? Briatore didn’t want to know anything about his daughter Leni, he is a convicted fraudster. We have to praise Hausi. For him, greed is the greatest sin. (two)

So we equalize, 6:6.

Market vs. Autogrill

35 degrees outside, a panini from the electric oven in the car grill and the first espresso on Italian soil. These rest stops convey the feeling of the start of the holiday in an incomparable way. In contrast, when you return there are fruit salads and woks, coupled with a detour to a clean toilet stool in the local market. It’s the little things in life. (lob)

Switzerland wins and leads again.

Emmentaler vs. Mozzarella cheese

Dear Mozzarella, you lie on the pizza, squeeze yourself between tomatoes for the Caprese. You don’t even care if you get covered in olive oil and vinegar. And the Parmigiana would only be half as good without you. You are the opposite of Emmental, which is also world famous but is far too proud of itself. (two)

Equalizer for Italy.

Home movies vs. Spaghetti Westerns

The Gotthelf film adaptations from the 1950s are a piece of Swiss film history. And the main character, Hannes Schmidhauser, was also a gifted football player and even captain of the national team. But it is also impressive how the Italian director Sergio Leone reinvented the Western genre. A cinematic duel of the highest order, as exciting as a pistol duel at high noon. (sg.)

Point for both. And it remains exciting: 8:8.

Ursula Andress vs. Sophia Loren

A woman in a bikini, singing as she emerges from the sea with two large shells: that’s how simple the recipe is that an actress from Ostermundigen will use to shape the image of the Bond girl forever. Ursula Andress is 88 years old today, one and a half years younger than Sophia Loren. And although the Oscar winner from Rome has had a bigger career, in Hollywood as well as at the European Football Championships, it’s the moment that counts. (phm)

Andress brings it home! 9:8 for Switzerland!

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