SANTA IS NORWEGIAN (and he likes Rock 'n' Roll!) – ASSE
“Faced with a changing world, it is better to think about change than to change the dressing.” Francis Blanche
The Final Countdown by Micheline (from the count): Updated to 06.01.25 – MAINTAIN -14 POINTS FOR ASSE “Hello Kids. What a nice surprise!! I'm back from my usual vacation with Raye-dorée in the West Indies, just to cheer myself up, and I'm only now opening my presents under the tree!! And BIM!! A new coach, 3 points for my recipes column, and apparently everyone is enthusiastic about their afternoon in the Cauldron! What are the (green) people asking for??!! Well, let it be Christmas every week! »
Hello Groupies
Your cowboy @JossRandall42 is back for his 299th column, starting, for this first column of the calendar year, by wishing an Excellent New Year 2025, and an excellent end of the season to all the Green People!!
And the least we can say is that it is off to a flying start this year 2025. Our ASSE which had rather accustomed us at the beginning of January to being taken out like criminals in a bad 32nd round of the Coupe de France, there BIM!! A victory, and a damn good victory at that! Convincing, exciting, clear, without dispute.
I very humbly admit that I was not completely ready for our new Cold Lands Coach to be able to transform the face of the team in such a short time (because he was still carrying around the same gang of Romanos). No, I didn't expect to enjoy it so much after what is – by far – ASSE's best match since the start of the season. Or even for much longer….
CHAPTER 1: WELCOME TO INTENSITY AND “TIKI-GAGA” ????
A *SLAP*!! Yes, I humbly admit, I took a beating on Saturday in the Cauldron. The red cheek (that's a change from chubby!!), pain of pleasure inversely proportional to the hopes I had before the match. Because I had arrived in the Cauldron with the simple curiosity of the guy who wondered what our new coach, EIRIK_LE_VIKING, was going to manage to change in our trumpet orchestra in just 7 days.
And it's not a change that he managed to bring about. It’s a *metamorphosis*! Shame on me, a man of little faith, for not having believed that such a miracle, so far from Lourdes, was still possible.
After 96 minutes of a game more animated than a Walt Disney cartoon, I left the stadium turned upside down like a race car on an icy day. After 6 months (but in fact much longer) of infusing myself – out of simple native passion – with ASSE matches where I was bored like a toilet flushing among constipated people, then I saw a football match. Crazy. Intense. Creative. Happy. Dynamic. Exciting. And – cherry on the McDonald’s – EFFICIENT.
Like everyone else, I had read in the press all the declarations of good intentions from our new ship captain, HORNELAND_ROVER, who seems to be well equipped for off-roading. But like everyone else, thinking back to our group of amorphous goats from the first part of the season, I was still waiting for him around the corner, the boy!
Well, as today's young people say, here's one who will quickly shut people's mouths!! Starting with mine, and yet God knows it’s difficult (and my friends – like God – know it too!!).
He announced that he did not see football other than with limitless intensity from the start to the end of the match. Very good, but I was laughing stupidly in my corner thinking about this notorious laziness of CAFARO_SUR_LE_BAUDET. Well, I was there for my trip, because we had the intensity!! All the time, and even after headwinds (I am referring here to this 0-1 at half-time which had all the makings of a hold-up), our Viking seems to have found the words for ASSE to come back with even more of intensity in act 2. Crazy this thing, we who had left our Greens in 2024 with the mentality of a crying little girl rejected by Kevin during his first prom.
Of course, it even raises questions about everything that has happened in the Group since August… but we'll see that later. Today we *enjoy* and that’s it.
But if I ignore (as a Bedouin caravanner said when asked for a drink) this intensity rarely seen in the cauldron in recent years, I was even more amazed by the animation of the game, the redoubled passes, the games in triangle, quick passes, a game almost always in one touch, with very little technical waste, even in the feet of players for whom that is not the primary quality (I am thinking in particular of PÉTROT_N'EN_FAUT, that I saw passes made that he himself had never dared to dream of!!!).
Do you remember “Tiki-Taka”, so dear to CRUYFF or GUARDIOLA? Well EIRIK_OUR_KING has just revisited the recipe with Stéphanoise sauce: TIKI-GAGA!! ????
Finally, even if it is always dangerous in a performance as accomplished *collectively* as that of ASSE on Saturday, to bring out individualities, I will do it anyway because it is a pleasure of which we have been deprived for too long . And as the Great Luis Fernandez does not hesitate for a second to imagine “Podiums of 5”, I am going to go for a Podium of 4.
Of course, STASSIN_LA_DEMI_LUNE, for his pass and his absolutely sublime goal of coolness and finesse. But also for the quality and intelligence of his movements (never offside), and the numerous passing solutions that he offers through his great mobility. It's also easier for him to perform with a higher block and short passes than to run after Skuds 50 meters fired in a bell from the back bases.
BOAKYE_PROFITE_LE_CRIME (our new Robert JACQUES, private joke for the exclusive attention of my Chief Logis Marshal @RBruyas91267), for his two goals, one of which was superb.
BOUCHOUARI_POTTER who finally seems to have left Hogwarts to try to become the official magician of the Cauldron, as he seems to have finally understood that his footballing qualities – otherwise undeniable – can only be fully expressed by being intense during an entire match.
And finally, how can we not mention in the medal table our OSWALDO_NADÉ, for his incredible ride on the first equalizing goal (the most important), which will have brought back good memories for those nostalgic for the flamboyant Argentinian of the 70s, but also for the solidity that he undoubtedly brings to the defense.
CHAPTER 2: SANTA IS NORWEGIAN IN ASSE
…And he likes Rock 'n' Roll, guys!!!
This boy is incredible. Unknown to the battalion, but already prodigious (in the first sense of the term = “capable of prodigies”). Because transforming our squad of draft horses into a football team to this extent and in such a short time is certainly a miracle.
The day after the match, all the Green People feel like they have Norwegian grapes in their ducts!!
Obviously, the usual piss-vinegar people will still say that I'm getting carried away, but honestly??? I don't care. I savor it. This guy already makes you want to see more, to know more.
What we already know is that he has a lot of ideas. Many may have believed that the playing philosophy that he always spoke about in the media was more pure communication, even wishful thinking, which would quickly be shattered by the athletic, mental and technical reality of the group at his disposal. Well guys, in his first match, he's already made all of them lie and that will bite them. He had promised intensity and offensive intentions. We had all that.
What we (also) already know is that he is passionate. And we like it here. You only have to see his sometimes slightly hysterical attitude on the bench to understand that the boy is demanding, that he loves the game as much as he hates defeat. From where I was, I couldn't see him up close. But even from the Carré Légende, sitting next to Hool's @JeremChatonnier (which – trust – is not an easy task!!) I could almost see – on the rare gestures missed by the ASSE players – his look benevolent Zurich banker discovering the bankruptcy of his biggest client!!
What we know – finally – already is that he is a real Leader, a Boss capable of bringing all his guys into a common project. A real boss, his talent is not to command, but to be obeyed. Shade. Obviously, he's doing it very well, and I'm not even sure he needs to force it. Eating seems to be right up his alley, as a boxer who played the violin said.
As he seems – as a reminder – to be able to find the words at half-time to prevent the Group from sinking in the face of some form of injustice.
As he seems capable of transmitting his passion without forcing, such after the final whistle, in his role as Border Collie in an international Scottish Shepherd competition, guiding all his green sheep – although visibly flushed by their intense match – towards the round stage of applause to the audience, ensuring that no sheep strays from the flock.
This is our HORNELAND_DOWN_UNDER, reminiscent of this wonderful hit by the Australians MEN AT WORK. For those of you who jabber in decent English (if you can never find suitable that summary patois with which Shakespeare nevertheless managed to write Hamlet), it means “The Guys Who Work”.
Well in conclusion, in less than a week, HORNELAND_ROVER seems to have managed to put everyone to work. Moreover, this must already give pause to some people who, if they continue to laze around the swimming pool, could end up adding to the number of job seekers before long.
IN CONCLUSION: A NEW EXCITEMENT AS WELL AS UNEXPECTED
Obviously, the piss-vinegars come back, reminding us in a trickle of bile that we must not get carried away after a single match, to remember DIOSSE, and gnagnagnagnagnagnagna, and gnagnagnagnagnagnana. “Always this doubt” as said this gentleman who was watching his wife, at the moment when she, completely naked in the arms of another man, turned off the light
Well, too bad, I'm getting carried away. And I accept it. This doesn't happen to us that often at ASSE!!
When destiny knocks at your door, you must not turn a deaf ear, take example from Beethoven. I want to believe that in the future I will be stirred again like sugar in a cup of coffee.
Perhaps in the end, through too much emotional desert, we simply end up educating ourselves on lust, so as to bring our desires within the framework of tolerance. But if that's the case, too bad, we'll have at least enjoyed it once this season!
On the other hand, this great first match for the new coach should not obscure a fact that is always obvious: this squad still needs reinforcements. Let us therefore hope that these fireworks on January 4 will not encourage our new leaders to backtrack on this.
With all the same a new element. What until now was a “virtual” project (the total and offensive game advocated by KSV and by EIRIK_LE_VIKING) has become concrete. We can therefore imagine that the profiles that will be targeted at Amère Catho D'hiver will be in line with this style of game. And it is always easier to find when you know what you are looking for!
