When she was 3 years old, during a summer vacation in Mali, the country of her parents, Kadiatou (first name changed) underwent excision. It was in 1979, she was then living in Picardy, where she was born and raised. She had to wait for her first appointment with Dr. Jasmine Abdulcadir, founder and head of the female genital mutilation consultation at the University Hospitals of Geneva, to understand what was cut from her that day. She was 46 years old, she is 48 today, and it was the fight of a lifetime. She agreed to tell us her story, which is as follows. It is estimated that more than 230 million women and girls live with genital mutilation worldwide.
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“It all started in the summer of 1979, when I was three years old. With my sister and my mother, we are starting a trip to Mali, supposedly for vacation. I only have vague memories of it, but what is certain is that on the day of the excision, we found ourselves in a room in my dad’s family home, where several women were sitting on the floor. I was wearing orange bell-bottom pants. There was some sort of party. First it was my sister and then I moved on. I remember having my legs and arms held so that I wouldn’t move. It was done on the ground. There was a straw mat, which you use to take a nap with a loincloth. I heard a little girl screaming and crying. I think we weren’t the only ones.
When I came out, I will never forget the fact that the women were dancing, they were circling and singing. Their songs celebrated the fact that we had become strong women.
Omerta in the family
Then there was healing. Then, we returned to France. We lived in Compiègne, in Picardy, in the North. Some of my friends had undergone this mutilation. At college, we were already talking about it among ourselves, we told ourselves that it was religion that required us to do it and that we had to respect it. In the family, it was omerta. I thought all little girls went through this. With my childhood friend, around the age of 15, I realized that no, there are different types of mutilation, more or less serious, depending on the country and customs. Some friends from Senegal had not suffered it.
This problem resurfaced when I was in a relationship, when I was still a student. I didn’t have the urge that other women had when they talked about orgasms. It hurt me because I told myself that I was not an accomplished woman and that, perhaps, I was not normal. I never found satisfaction with my first boyfriend, the same with the father of my children, whom I met a few years later. It was even worse because I saw it as a duty so that he could satisfy his desires.
I had no desire, I had almost no orgasm and I was always tense during the act. I blamed it on the fact that I had been circumcised. Our intimate relationships were going very badly. This was one of the causes of our separation.
I couldn’t accept it
I went several years without a relationship because I didn’t want to relive that failure. Until one day I told myself that I couldn’t stay like this. I had seen a report on a woman in the Paris region, who told her story about excision. At the time, I lived in Villejuif (near Paris, editor’s note.) and I went for internships at the Kremlin-Bicêtre hospital, which was doing clitoral reconstruction – I work in the medical field, I am a pharmacy technician. I made an appointment, but it was not possible to get a first consultation for four months. In addition, this had to be followed by several consultations with other professionals and I also had to participate in support groups for mutilated women. I didn’t go any further because I found the process to be too long and I knew what I wanted.
I absolutely wanted to have the operation. Knowing that a piece of my flesh had been mutilated, I couldn’t accept it. For me, with the reconstruction of the clitoris, the sensitivity would return. When I was younger, I thought they were going to cut off a piece of flesh and sew it back together at the genital area, like a graft. I understood later, when I was a student, that in fact we are going to recover the buried part of the clitoris to bring it out.
I absolutely wanted my clitoris to be brought out so that I too could be fulfilled, so that I could truly live my life as a woman.
On a personal level, it was difficult: I lived alone with my children and my father was ill, then he died in 2014. In 2020, I moved to the Alps, France. For the first time in my life, I was finally calm. I met my partner in 2021 and I didn’t want what happened with the father of my children to repeat with him. My sons were grown – they were 14 and 16 – and they were able to cope if I had to have an operation. My decision-making was easy and very encouraged by my boyfriend.
At the end of the lake
I wanted to be operated on by a surgeon who would listen to me, understand me and above all, I didn’t want there to be several steps! Looking online, I saw everything that Dr. Jasmine Abdulcadir was doing and that she was at the University Hospitals of Geneva. I had a meeting with her in spring 2022. I told her my story. She asked me questions. During the consultation, she explained to me what had been done and what she intended to do to be able to repair it. The lady [qui a réalisé l’excision] had also mutilated part of the inner lips, in addition to the clitoris.
She wanted me to see Nathalie Recordon, psychologist and sexologist at HUG, about my difficulties being calm during sexual intercourse. She was also a very good listener. I talked a lot with her. She made me realize that to know this part better, I could touch it in order to know its sensitivity. She explained to me how to take your time before the act, how not to be tense, I had never thought of that. I put into practice everything she told me.
I had the procedure on July 21 [2022]it was a Thursday. It went really well. When I came out, I didn’t have any pain because I was on painkillers. I came home with my prescriptions.
We never discussed it
The next day, I called my mom and told her:
I explain to her what I suffered and she tells me:
We never discussed it with my mother. This is the first time we’ve talked about it. The next day, she called me back to check on me and she admitted to me that she had been forced to do so. His in-laws put pressure on him so that me and my sister would undergo this mutilation. My mother also suffered it and she had to do it to her daughters. She didn’t even tell my dad. He didn’t know about it. My dad was an educated person, he would never have wanted us to go through that. He was aware that we could have died. My mother never went to school, she didn’t really see the impact it could have. The weight of customs was too great.
For years, I resented my mom because of this. For me, my mother was not a strong woman because she did not resist the pressure from her in-laws to endure this act. When she called me back that day, I truly forgave her. Now we are talking about it openly. Last night, we stayed on the phone for over an hour, talking about it. I’m happy.
Four to five days after the operation, the pain started, and I was really not feeling well. I looked at myself and saw that the clitoris was raw, it was swollen. I really had the support of my partner, who came to spend time with me. I told my oldest son about it, because he didn’t understand why I was at home. I also wanted him to be made aware of the fact that there are African women who have been circumcised. This phenomenon still exists in Africa. He was very embarrassed, he didn’t even dare to look at me! He had a lot of compassion for me, he took great care of me, he cooked me food. On the other hand, I haven’t discussed it with my youngest son, because I don’t find him mature enough yet and that summer, he was with his dad.
After the intervention
I was arrested for three months. The pain was very present, especially since I cannot tolerate Tramadol (post-operative painkiller, editor’s note.). When I took this painkiller, I no longer had pain, but I kept vomiting. I had to stay in the open air so that it healed as quickly as possible. We had to wait for a little skin to form at the level of the clitoris, which had been brought out. Going back to work was impossible, I couldn’t wear pants, I spent three months in a skirt or a loincloth. Over time, the pain subsided and I was able to return to normal activity. I was so excited to get back to work! Staying at home, I couldn’t take it anymore.
Initially, I thought it would be a hindrance to my employer. To justify all these stops, I wondered if I should reveal to my production manager what my future intervention consisted of. We’d been working together for two years, I couldn’t see myself hiding that from him. He is very open. I know he’s listening and I wanted everything to be normal. I told him what I was going to experience and he said to me: ‘Go for it!’ He strongly encouraged me, it did me good. We will say that all the planets were aligned to carry out this surgical procedure!
Part of the reconstruction was reimbursed to me. I had other appointments with Dr. Abdulcadir, one week, then three and six months later, and finally a year later. The healing went well. Everything fell back into place. I also reviewed [la psychologue] Nathalie Recordon to take stock of the intervention and share my state of mind with her. She told me that I could come back to see her if I had any problems having intimate relationships. I didn’t make an appointment with her because, frankly, everything is fine! When I see the feedback from my partner, I tell myself that I am on the right track.
We get to know each other in an intimate way. At no time will I have regrets about this intervention. We play little games around it, something I could never have imagined before. Honestly, I’m so happy. Now I feel orgasms, so it’s night and day!”
