Exercising, spending money, smoking, drinking are at the top of most people’s resolution lists year after year. We see more or less the same resolutions on social networks as those we heard from our loved ones, notes Emmanuelle Parent, doctor in communications and general director of the Center for Online Emotional Intelligence (CIEL). The nuance is that looking at the good resolutions of Internet users, and in particular of influencers, of people with other means to achieve their objectives, can tend to make people compare themselves negatively.
“It’s important to ask ourselves the question of ‘how do I feel when I’m exposed to these images,’ because perhaps not all resolutions affect us in the same way,” raises Ms. Parent.
Before, we could compare ourselves to people we knew, that we met, or possibly to a few celebrities via the celebrity press, underlines the expert. But, since the advent of social networks, influencers, etc., we can compare ourselves almost to the entire universe with various and varied resolutions. But above all, resolutions which often will not be within everyone’s reach.
Easy to publish, but less easy to keep, the publications exposing your good resolutions are also much more numerous than those showing that you stick to them. Because there is the showcase that is social networks, explains Ms. Parent. People will show themselves online in their best light or simply show themselves, because they are socially successful, but we will only perceive from this the idea that people are demanding of themselves, without seeing those who do not do not make good resolutions or fail in their goals.
The director of CIEL insists. “We have to ask ourselves where we stand.” Is this content that will inspire me, encourage me to adopt good habits? Or does it make me tend to compare myself by diminishing myself, to put pressure on myself, or even to feel guilty?
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“Not everyone has the same sensitivity to social comparison, who will see content and who will compare themselves versus who will be inspired by it.”
– Emmanuelle Parent, doctor of communication and general director of the Center for Emotional Intelligence Online
Professor Richard Koestner, who teaches psychology at McGill University, confirms this logic and warns: “Most often, these comparisons are not very helpful, because most of the time we make a negative comparison and we feel like we don’t accomplish as much as the people who post on social media,” he emphasizes. “And I think a lot of us wrongly think that we can’t compare.”
In response to this, Emmanuelle Parent affirms that we must educate ourselves on social networks while maintaining a critical mind, in order to “arm ourselves against the harmful influence that it can have on us”.
Support or pressure?
The two experts still recognize that we should not throw the baby out with the bathwater. Social networks have the merit of providing access to new ideas for good resolutions – some that we would not have thought of on our own -, to tutorials or tips that will encourage people to adopt good habits, as well as to a community which will perhaps be able to provide additional motivation and a form of support.
Ms. Parent reminds us that posting on social networks also means exposing yourself. “It can be stressful to put yourself out there, to make yourself vulnerable to others, but it can also be very rewarding.”
The support of an online community can do wonders, but it also cuts both ways, as Professor Koestner explains. “My own research has shown that there are two types of support. The most natural thing is to encourage and even try to help the person. (…) This is what I call directive support. But my research indicates that this type of support doesn’t help much.” According to him, we should rather favor the second type of support, which he calls “empathetic support”. This means that the person will be interested and ask questions, but above all will not be sluggish or mix their objectives with yours.
The problem is that social networks open a door to the whole world regarding the first type of support and the community can make you feel a form of pressure, when trolls do not outright make you feel guilty.
Choose your battles
The two experts confirm that the key to keeping your good resolutions is above all to choose them wisely. They must correspond to our personal tastes, our lifestyle and our abilities. And above all, you have to be kind to yourself.
Professor Koestner has studied our good resolutions closely. He also noticed that only a very small portion of the population sticks to their good resolutions, but that we should not be ashamed of not succeeding.
According to him, if we fail so much to stick to our good resolutions, it is largely due to the fact that we make resolutions that require a big change in our habits and that requires a lot of self-discipline.
However, argues the psychologist, there is solid evidence which shows that each of us has a limited capacity for self-discipline and that our busy daily lives already make us function at our maximum capacity. These new goals that we set for ourselves at the start of the year therefore force us to find a reserve of self-discipline that we do not necessarily have.
“You have to ask yourself how you can set your new goal without draining all your self-discipline resources,” explains the professor. This is why choosing your objective carefully is very important.” If the chosen resolution does not require too much self-discipline and arouses a personal and natural interest, there is a good chance that it will work.
Added to this is the context, argues Professor Koestner. For those who, like Quebecers, experience a particularly harsh climate when making good resolutions, the context does not work in their favor. The cold and snow affect our habits and our possibilities for outdoor activities, while also affecting our morale. The psychology professor therefore gives a tip: resume your good resolutions from January 1st to the start of summer. It’s much easier, he says, and often more relaxed thanks to public holidays and vacations.
Finally, a good resolution to make in 2025 may be to sort through your subscriptions on social networks and even ban certain keywords from your news feed, concludes Ms. Parent. “I invite people to take action on the content they follow.”
