Behind the door | Florian is bored with his somewhat kinky double life

The Press offers you each week a testimony which aims to illustrate what really happens behind the bedroom door, in privacy, far, far from statistics and standards. Today: Florian*, in his fifties

He never said a word about it to anyone. However, for almost 10 years, Florian* lived a hectic double life, a little naughty, let’s say kinky. Today, he is bored of his follies which, paradoxically, brought him a new balance. Narrative.

“I don’t know what I’m doing here,” begins our interlocutor, in his dashing fifties, met in a hotel lobby last month. My story is very, very, very private. » Why the hell did he want to meet us, then? “At some point, it becomes heavy,” he confides, at the very beginning of the interview. Being able to express it is a bit liberating…”

You should know that our man is vaguely known and, above all, in a relationship with another man for many years. He has always had a certain success in his life, we quickly understand. First with the women: “I was a winner,” he sums up, smiling slightly. “But I went out discreetly to gay bars…”

It was at university, when an openly homosexual friend invited him to his house for “teamwork”, that everything came to a head. “It was my first time. Great, really great,” he smiles even more. This is where Florian decides to assert himself more formally. “People were surprised,” he said, “but with immediate acceptance. »

He then settles in quite quickly, in a story that lasts more than 10 years. In bed, it’s “average”. “I think he didn’t have much of a libido. » What if he cheated? “Yes,” he answers without hesitation. When traveling, or when he left, I sometimes looked elsewhere. »

Even if he doesn’t brag about it – “it’s hidden” – Florian takes responsibility. “It’s my way of living, of expressing myself. »

For all kinds of reasons, the relationship in question fizzles out and Florian then meets his current partner, somewhere around the end of his thirties. “And we’ve been together ever since,” he continues, still smiling.

Their debut is “great”. “We didn’t let go of each other! Really great, but it’s sure that over time, it’s faded a bit,” he continues. “But he’s someone I love.” We travel together, we have interests in common, he lists, but the passion slowly fades away. » Why, exactly? “I think we are less daring, less mentally available, there is less desire too, perhaps…”

And then Florian knows it: he has always been “fickle”. We saw it, it’s not from yesterday. “From the start of the relationship, if I was traveling, I sometimes had meetings,” he confirms. But no, again, his companion doesn’t exactly know. “It’s unsaid. » And in his own way, again always, he takes responsibility for this “unsaid”, and all the contradictions that result from it. “Maybe I’m postmodern, it’s like I’m breaking away from the norms of a stable couple. […] Maybe I’m a hypocrite too. […] Or maybe I’m not so comfortable, because I still care about this relationship. I don’t want her to break up. Want, don’t want, we have a comfortable life…”

Still, almost 10 years ago, and quite by chance, Florian met another man. “I pass him, he recognizes me, then sends me a message. » As fortuitous as that. “And it was very, very strong and passionate. »Here we are.

Very quickly, their exchanges drift, become spicy, explode. “We wrote to each other a thousand times a day. » The first months, they see each other sporadically, then quietly, Florian decodes what this man is looking for more precisely: “a dominant-dominated relationship,” he summarizes. But soft. I don’t know if that’s the right term. Maybe: passive-active? »

Note that in this “soft” power dynamic, therefore, which they will develop over time, there will never be a question of including toys or anything associated with the world of BDSM. We are rather here in a symbolic power play, let’s say, linked to everyday life. “I told him what I liked in terms of clothing, illustrious Florian, and he did everything I told him…”

And that excited him terribly. “He was comfortable there, and I don’t have the feeling that I took advantage of anyone. »

Above all, the affair takes on an immense place in Florian’s life over time. “As soon as I arrived, it was like a second life,” he says. Note that at the time, he traveled a lot for work, and his regular absences went virtually unnoticed by his partner.

When he returns, how does he end up with him, anyway? “I want my partner,” Florian replies. But we don’t have a relationship every night. Sometimes we skip weeks. » With the lover? “It was constant,” he continues. Extremely passionate. We were very, very, very complementary. »

If you want to know everything, always in their particular dynamic, a little kinkywe will have understood, everything revolved around Florian. In terms of pleasure, in particular. “I had a guy at my feet, after me, dedicated to me. Basically, I didn’t care if the other person enjoyed it,” he illustrates. Still like that man from the 1950s? He bursts out laughing. “Even though I am rather progressive in life! », he specifies here. Still, it’s obviously satisfying. “And then there is penetration, which I very rarely do with my current partner,” he adds.

However, for all kinds of reasons, Florian recently stopped traveling. The lover met someone else. In short, their story finally ended. But Florian has not finished thinking about what he experienced.

It’s because he doesn’t exactly give off the image of the guy kinkya bit dominant, revealed here. “But with him, that was it. I think I revealed myself to myself with this relationship. »

Certainly, but their freedom was limited. He’s not fooled. This is probably not trivial. “We knew there was a finiteness, it was always a bit like the last time,” he confirms. I don’t know to what extent – ​​and I will never know – we would have been able to maintain this beat if our relationship had been official. » Their lightness was undoubtedly “unsustainable” in the long term, he summarizes, paraphrasing Kundera (!).

Still, he concludes, finishing his drink, “I miss it.” […] I loved this double life routine. […] I’m in a pretty standardized life, I think I need this life a little kinky. […] It balances me out! »

Besides, since then, when he flutters quietly, that’s what he’s looking for. “That being said, things are going really well with my partner! Maybe less in bed, but we’re not at zero either! “, he takes care to emphasize.

* Fictitious first name, to protect anonymity