The information has probably reached your ears. In any case, if you are reading these lines and you are not aware that LeBron James is celebrating his 40th birthday today… we need to talk about your algorithm. Among many tributes, we decided to bring a very personal touch to this somewhat special day, by reminding LeBron of what a man of his age generally does with his days when he is not scoring triple-doubles with the Lakers . And since LeBron won’t read this paper? Assume that it was written for you, for you, man or woman born in 1984 or something like that. Let’s go.
December 30, 2024, how hard it is to wake up.
The tens of millions spent by LeBron James to perfect a demi-god body is opposed by the shortage of Tiger Balm in all the surrounding pharmacies. Tiger Balm LeBron, when you’re in a middle CSP and your body needs it, that’s what you slather all over yourself at the slightest pain. A kind of cream that smells very strong, a little healing, a little for the muscles a little for the bones, a little placebo, but above all… which smells very strong. It’s also forbidden to rub your eyes after application, but to close this chapter, let’s make an appointment with the family doctor, so that this damn aponeurosis doesn’t make it past 2024.
To start the day? Monsters to deal with. We’re not talking about the filthy D’Angelo Russell, who went to a new foster family, but about the children who live under our roof. No Bronny here, no offspring living in the outbuilding right next door, the one that makes up the size of the village in which we live, but rather two kids generally between 2 and 12 years old, to make it trivial. The first shits everywhere because it’s his rookie wall, the second thinks he’s Michael Jordan when he actually has the basketball IQ of Jordan Poole. And both, at the same time, well it makes noise. The school vacation period obviously has its exact opposite for parents. Where we realize that if LeBron James is on vacation 5 or 6 months a year, French idiots are on vacation for an average of three months, which therefore gives us parents years to around 15 months, and that’s tiring .
Food at 40 when your name isn’t LeBron? The 7 P rule, yeah we just invented it.
- Pizza
- Pasta
- Pain
- Purée
- Potatoes
- No vegetables
- Because the kids already eat it in the canteen.
Yeah, not like that we’re finally going to build ourselves a Bronbron bodysuit.
The body, the sport, let’s get to the point, or rather let’s burst the abscess. In 2024 LeBron James has passed 40,000 points in his NBA career, a major feat in the history of sport. Since the resumption, despite some slanderers having mentioned a possible decline, we will put it down to an indigestion of pretzels for the authors, LeBron James is therefore 23.5 points, 7.9 rebounds and 9 assists on average… when the average forty-year-old escapes with a broken side, a match under the influence of alcohol, kidney stones and cruciate ligaments, all at the lowest departmental level. 37 minutes of play in total for around, already, around twenty hours spent between the doc, the hospital and the physiotherapist. So that’s the ratio of a player in his prime.
But no time to complain.
No, because it’s 5 p.m. and after the 40 minutes of cycling due to rehabilitation, a shower, two or three transfers on the banking app to avoid the red flag from Ms. Dubois and an hour of writing this rag, we shouldn’t forget the children, who have not disappeared since the first paragraph. Snack, homework, play, taste again, wash, taste again, cook, set the table, enjoy your meal, not hungry because of too many snacks, wash again because of an accident. Play again, a little, don’t jump, don’t run after eating, don’t heckle, old man’s expression, go to bed, scream, cuddle, story, song, dance, story, song, dance, story, song, sleep before him in his room. At 9:30 p.m. Snack time for LeBron.
Do we live in the same world as LeBron James? Obviously not. Are we not all heroes at our level? Certainly yes. So to all the forty-year-olds, not dollar millionaires and whose bulges hide the abs which nevertheless exist, stay yourself and don’t change anything. There’s only one LeBron but there’s only one you, you, you, me, you.
