Good habits for everyday wellbeing

Thanks to a successful 2005 marketing ploy by a travel company, the third Monday in January is commonly known as Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year, and is now used to sell a lot more than cheap holidays in the sun. Whilst it is true that post-Christmas debtfailing New Year’s resolutions and the weather generally contribute to making us more miserable than usual, there is also increased understanding of ‘Winter Sadness’ or Seasonal Affective Disorder whereby light deprivation can lead to clinical depression, and treatments are available.

However, for author, master coach and fitness guru, Paul Mort, there is an inherent problem in simplistic campaigns such as ‘Blue Monday’ and ‘World Mental Health Day’, along with campaigns such as ‘Just Talk’. Paul, who was literally on the verge of taking his life in 2013, believes that mental health is something we need to take care of every day of our lives, and that for many, especially men, just talking about it is not the answer.

“We can’t change our past but we can shape our future”

After establishing a successful business, living the dream in Spain, happily married with two kids, Paul’s life took a dive when he succumbed to days spent chasing money and serious drug addiction. Upon returning to his native North East with his family he felt empty and worthless and ended up standing on the cliff edge at South Shields preparing to end it all. Unbeknown to Paul, his wife Lesley had followed him and it was her question about the future that struck a chord.

Up until then Paul had spent thousands of pounds traipsing all around the country paying various therapists in a desperate attempt to pull himself out of the deep well of despair he was in. “They all wanted to talk about my past,” Paul told me when we caught up over the weekend. “We can’t change our past but we can shape our future.”

Paul subsequently took control of his life and has now become a highly sought-after business coach, even being head-hunted by Spotify to run a team building exercise in Puerto Rico, amongst other things. Since the dark days that led him to the cliff edge he has quite literally been ‘unstoppable’, the name he now gives to his business venture head-quartered in the centre of South Shields.

However, he remains extraordinarily humble, down to earth, and brimful of North Eastern generosity. During the Covid 19 pandemic he recognised the huge challenges that enforced isolation would bring, to men in particular, unable to hang out with their usual tribes. He responded by creating a free self-help audio book. You can still listen to this on SoundCloud. and access other free offerings on Paul’s website

UPGRADE

However, Paul’s latest venture, ‘UPGRADE’ (The No-Bullsh*t Guide To Levelling Up Your Life), has just been published in old-fashioned hardback by HarperNorth and is already flying off the shelves of book stores. This is particularly gratifying to Paul who left school with minimal qualifications having been labelled a ‘trouble-maker’. Latterly he has been diagnosed with ADHD but rather than wallow in self-pity Paul uses ADHD as a ‘super-power’.

‘UPGRADE’ is a no-nonsense practical work-book full of useful exercises designed to kick you up the arse (my words not Paul’s). Each section begins with a ‘Mind vitamin’ in which Paul tells a story to illustrate a point. Many of these are anecdotes from his own life but they also reference other people including great philosophers and modern sports icons. He is nothing if not well-read, something that would surprise his former classmates and teachers.

Paul not only understands the science of the mind but also how our bodies function and what we can do to improve overall health and well-being. Simple advice like drinking more water, getting a good night’s sleep and turning off our mobile phones sit alongside suggestions for meditation, daily journalling and ice-bathing. These are not the usual habits we expect of a northern bloke but Paul speaks from experience about how he managed to ditch ingrained bad habits and create a new vision for himself by setting goals and following simple achievable steps. If you can’t go for full immersion in an ice bath, for example, try a brief cold shower, he suggests. In fact every nugget of advice comes with a caveat to be kind to yourself, to focus on taking incremental steps to self-transformation, to pay attention to the people who love you and care about you, and do the things that give you joy, whether it be football or a walk in the park.

“The way we live our days is the way we live our lives.”

Having read Paul’s book and researched his life, which included watching the raw sweary video he posted on Facebook when he revisited the place where he planned to end his life, I completely understand how he can cut through the crap and speak to men of a certain age who are adrift in a sea of purposelessness. However, I wanted to know what, if anything, his story and his methods have to offer others, especially women.

Perhaps surprisingly, women make up a good proportion of Paul’s followers on social media and 50% of the audience in his live shows, as well as those participating in his professional team-building work. He even has a special programme for women called Inner Circle.

Indeed, many of us are dealing with similar challenges to our male counterparts in the fast-paced lives we are exhorted to pursue, bombarded by social media and targeted by ads designed to make us feel imperfect. If Paul’s techniques teach us anything it’s about acceptance of the past we cannot change and to open up to the immense possibilities of the future. As he says, “The way we live our days is the way we live our lives.”