Barry Bonds 73 home runs in a season. Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin successfully walking on the moon. Usain Bolt running the 100m in 9.58 seconds. Move over to all of those impressive human feats that defied both gravity and the limits of mankind, because famous OnlyFans pornstar Bonnie Blue did something arguably more difficult on Saturday. Her biggest competition in the game Lily Phillips already had a plan to do 1,000 men in 24 hours this year:
Bonnie raised her glass and slept with 1,057 men in 12 hours with only a 3 minute break maximum in between. Luckily for us, we don’t have footage of the aftermath like the warzone that Lily Phillips showed us during her 101 men in one day excursion. Listen, I agree with a large majority of you that this is indicative of how far we’ve fallen as a society and the sense of impending doom that precedes us. But I also have to tip my metaphorical cap to her in what is certainly an achievement, and she even went deeper than she needed to:
Someone did the math assuming there was no breaks and we round out the math to a whopping 40.9 seconds per person:
Going home and telling your buddies you were number 1,057 or 2 or anywhere in between must be quite the way to recap your day. Humans have a knack for defying things that otherwise seemed impossible, and my best guess is that we’re going to see a showdown of the ages a la John Cena/The Rock where the record keeps on being broken. Ovechkin is chasing goals, and Lily Phillips and Bonnie Blues are chasing bodies. Glenny may have left Barstool but is keeping the coveted OF podcast Only Stans on our network and I think he’s got his first guest of the new year. Anyway, that’s enough Internet for one day.
Swiss
