Flirting with others in relationships: Playing with fire or harmless?

• Flirting during relationships is viewed differently. Some see it as harmless, others as cheating.

• Couples counselor Salome Roesch explains that flirting brings recognition and can revitalize relationships.

• Especially in long-term relationships, flirting with others can bring positive momentum as long as the foundation of the partnership is stable.

It’s Saturday night and you’re out with the girls and the boys. The meaning of this evening? have fun. There’s dancing, laughing and celebrating – and suddenly there’s a person you find attractive. One eye contact, one “hey”, one conversation – and you’re in the middle of a flirt. But how much of that is actually okay when you’re in a relationship?

Opinions vary on social media. Many users, especially on Tiktok, are of the opinion that flirting is cheating. On the other hand, there are those who argue that flirting with others can even be invigorating in long-term relationships, as long as there are no serious intentions behind it. But where are the limits?

20 Minutes asked Salome Roesch, couples counselor at couples counseling and mediation in the canton of Zurich, what flirting with others means for the relationship and what couples should pay attention to.

Flirting is a playful form of communication that often hints at a hint of interest – usually without serious intentions. It often provides recognition or a small ego boost and also shows your partner that you are desired. Some couples consciously use this stimulus to refresh their relationship. And it’s scientifically proven that flirting can revitalize relationships. The playful, fun-loving feeling that arises can spread to your partner and give new impetus to relationships that are particularly stuck in a rut.

However, there are two points to note:

Firstly, the appeal of flirting with strangers is that they don’t really know you and allow you to play with your imagination. However, you should be aware that your intentions remain harmless, even if the other person may interpret the intention differently.

Secondly, clear agreements within the partnership are crucial to avoid misunderstandings. Only if both partners have a common understanding of loyalty and boundaries can flirting with others have no negative impact on the relationship.

A bit of jealousy is part of it – it shows that one of the partners doesn’t care. But trust in the relationship is crucial so that jealousy does not become a big issue. Otherwise, it can quickly become the biggest enemy of a partnership.

Excessive jealousy often leads to misunderstandings and disagreements that stress both partners. Even a casual glance at another person on the street that has nothing to do with flirting can be interpreted negatively. Such extreme cases not only put pressure on the jealous person, but also on the partner, who constantly has to justify themselves.

It should be noted that relationships can be very different: from symbiotic partnerships in which you do everything together, to those that allow a lot of freedom and independence.

What is certain is that a relationship must first be strengthened in order for a real team feeling to emerge. If this basis is not yet in place, flirting with others can easily unsettle and have a damaging effect rather than strengthening the relationship. In long-term relationships in which you have already talked a lot to each other, flirting with strangers can have an invigorating effect.

I don’t think it makes sense to share everything immediately. If there is trust, you don’t have to report every look or every little thing. Regular and open communication is much more important.

However, if someone is potentially a threat to the relationship or there is unfinished business, you should not just talk about flirting, but about the relationship as a whole. After all, cheating is not just limited to the sexual level – work, hobbies or other priorities can also become an emotional affair if they are permanently more important than the relationship.

In the end, it’s about trust and the security that your partner has your back and that you belong together. If that can be answered honestly with yes – not just in words, but also in actions – then a little flirtation is usually not a big problem.

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