Guys, it’s time to shoot your shots with Britney Spears in the DMs.
Your first crush is officially on the market after her divorce from Sam Asghari went final after a six-month waiting period to declare the couple officially done with each other.
In a typical Britney Instagram post where she uses coded language, the woman who stole our hearts in the late 1990s, celebrated the divorce news and her 43rd birthday on Monday.
“Before dinner red lips and delicious wine ????????!!!” Spears wrote on Instagram.
What’s it all mean? No idea, but there’s no denying that if you’re looking to take a ride on the crazy train after your own crazy divorce, this is your woman.
After six years of marriage that ended in divorce, Britney Spears says her life isn’t perfect
Look, we’ve all watched the Instagram videos, Britney.
We get it. You’re one of us, sorta.
According to TMZ, Asghari filed for divorce and claims that he had been on the wrong end of a Britney rampage over the years. How bad was the couple’s ending? TMZ further reports that Sam took his clothes, jumped into his truck and left with nothing more.
He headed for the hills.
For those keeping count at home, Britney has now been married three times, she’s been through two divorces and had her first marriage, to childhood friend Jason Alexander, annulled after 54 hours in 2004.
Imagine you’re freshly divorce and you walk into a dive bar and 43-year-old Britney Spears is celebrating her divorce and birthday
Your ex just took the house, you get the kids on Wednesdays and every other weekend and she even got the dog, plus a chunk of your union pension. Plus, she’s now dating your old friend, Jason, who used to come over to help you with side projects.
Now Jason’s living in your old house on weekends — when you have the kids.
Needless to say it’s been a tough pill to swallow.
But here you are in a dark bar and Britney Spears is twirling around on the dance floor in the empty dive bar.
What’s your move?
I know, I know…it’s been 12 years since you were on the dating scene and your game is rusty.
Still, this is ‘Toxic’ Britney and she wants to party.
TEQUILA!
The rest is history. This is officially payback to your ex — and Jason.
