an aperitif to talk about death over a drink

Along the Quai de Versailles, daylight gives way to night which is reflected on the Erdre. This Thursday, January 9, 2025, under a winter cold we head towards the Bam Bam Cafécoffee shop and neighborhood canteen.

At the bar, we order, once in a while, an apple juice. To tell the truth, our work day is not over, we are participating in an aperitif like no other.

Around the table, we join Christelle, Stéphanie, Clémentine and Marlène. On the program this evening: “ aperitif of death »an evening organized by the Happy End association. Immersion.

Talk about death freely

Inspired by the Swiss concept of deadly coffee, the aperitif allows participants to speak freely about death and mourning. This Thursday evening, there are 11 of us.

In Nantes, death aperitifs are supervised by two volunteers from the Happy End association: Marine, end-of-life and bereavement doula for three years, and Lucile, kinesiology practitioner.

“You can speak freely. We discuss in a friendly environment, there are no bad questions,” explains Marine.

Bereaved or not, everyone recounts their experience and the reasons for their participation in the aperitif. Over a drink, coffee or fruit juice, familiarity is required for all.

“I want to prepare my daughter for my departure”

“These aperitifs are a space to talk about death, it’s not always easy to discuss it with those around you,” says Stéphanie, participating in her second aperitif about death.

In the private context, talking about death still remains taboo. The aperitif allows you to break down these barriers. “Being in a bar in the evening allows you to desacralize it,” adds Marine.

At the other end of the table, Clémentine came with Marlène, her mother. “The theme of the end of life is important to discuss,” believes the young woman. “I want to prepare my daughter for my departure,” adds Marlène.

If the first exchanges are timid, the discussion becomes natural and various themes are addressed: recognition of bereavement at work, the “way” of experiencing bereavement or assistance at the end of life.

“What is our relationship to our death? »

As the evening goes on, the laughter becomes more and more frequent. After all, an aperitif remains an aperitif even if it is deadly.

Exchanges become more spontaneous and we no longer hesitate to ask questions. “In the end, what is our relationship to our death? », questions Clementine. “It’s important to plan ahead, I believe that it’s not up to our loved ones to take care of our death,” replies Christelle.

Playlist for the funeral, epitaph, ceremony, celebration, ideas flow around the table.

By participating in the aperitif of death, everyone came to seek “an ear” to be listened to. “When we’re going through bereavement, we don’t want to be told ‘it’s going to be okay’. We want to be reassured. »

“Everyone can choose their own time for mourning,” reassures Lucile. “Every way of grieving is right,” adds Marine. As a conclusion, everyone says the name of a person.

“If we find common themes, each aperitif remains unique,” ​​notes Lucile.

After a little over 90 minutes of exciting and enriching discussions, it is time to leave the bar and cross the Quai de Versailles on the way back. Like the moon which illuminates the Nantes night, the aperitif clarified our relationship with death.

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