“She was born without a sound”: testimony from a mother who lost her baby when she was five months pregnant

In 2008, Lise (1) lost her baby Sofia, five months pregnant, a tragedy which turned her life upside down but also forged her resilience.

“At that time, I was 31 years old and I lived in Reunion with my husband, Paul. I was already the mother of Alice, aged two. And when I learned that I was going to be a mother for the second time , I'm over the moon, it's a peaceful pregnancy and I'm very happy.“, she remembers.

But at the fifth month ultrasound, everything changed. “I come with my eldest daughter. It is during this appointment that I will be told the sex of the baby. But very quickly, during the examination, the doctor freezes. I understand there is a problem.”

The verdict is clear: Sofia's heart has stopped. The young mother is totally stunned, the world around her collapses. “I am stunned, lost. I leave the ultrasound room, passing other mothers-to-be, without understanding what is happening to me.”

“I carry death in my belly”

After the announcement of the death of her baby, Lise must wait three days before being treated at the hospital in Reunion. “ As the pregnancy is well advanced, I have to give birth to my baby. I manage daily life, taking care of my daughter Alice knowing that I carry death in my belly. Fortunately, my husband Paul is very present. He calls everyone in our family to explain the situation. I put myself in a bubble, feeling terribly guilty and not wanting to talk to anyone.”

Then, the dreaded day of giving birth arrives. “I find myself in the maternity ward, surrounded by women with their babies, and I am the only one in this misfortune. It is a very destabilizing, almost humiliating situation. Around me, the medical team remains in silence, not knowing not what to say to me, avoiding my gaze.”

Distraught, Lise still asks if she should see her baby and if it is advisable to hold him. “The nurse with me suggests that my husband wait in a room outside, saying that seeing a dead baby can be very traumatic and that it is best that he stays away. Totally helpless , we are following his recommendations.”

“She is born without a sound”

It is in cold silence, alone in the delivery room, that Lise gives birth to Sofia. “She is born without a sound. As the nurse suggested, I don't want to see her. So I have no memory of her. Looking back, I can't say if I regret this decision or not. Today, I tell myself that maybe it’s better this way.”

Sofia was buried in a special vault in Saint-Pierre a few days later. Then, the autopsy results revealed a possible placental problem. “The doctor is not 100% sure of the cause. I had an amniocentesis a few weeks before Sofia's death and my husband and I have been wondering for a long time whether there is a link. Today “Today we are resigned: we will never know the truth.”

For the couple, the hardest part is returning home. “I did not have any psychological support from the announcement of the loss of Sofia until returning home. Looking back, I tell myself that I would have really needed support to make the decisions related to this bereavement , but also to face the gaze of others, their embarrassment, their pity, their silence, their awkward words. I dread meeting someone in the street and them ending up talking to me about my pregnancy. “

Lise also has to face returning to work. “I have a knot in my stomach for weeks. I'm holding back tears, trying to put on a brave face while I'm still in shock.”

An anniversary date that remains a difficult moment

Despite this tragedy, Lise wants to quickly get her life back in hand. She had a miscarriage and then became pregnant again a few months later. “I'm well cared for but I'm terrified of losing a second baby.” In 2009, she gave birth to a little girl: Louise. Then comes Marion, the youngest of the siblings.

Sixteen years after this tragedy, the memory of Sofia, her little missing star, is still present. “Every year, the anniversary of her birth remains a difficult moment. She is a part of me and she will never be forgotten. Despite everything, having had two children after this tragedy is proof that beautiful things can happen after the unthinkable .”

1. First names have been changed.