French sexuality has undergone “major changes” over the last ten years. This is the conclusion of the vast survey published yesterday by Inserm (the Institute of Health and Medical Research) and the ANRS Emerging Infectious Diseases. Analyzes with the 7:45 a.m. guest from France Bleu La Rochelle – HERE Morning of this Thursday, Chloé Loiacono, sexologist and couples therapist in La Rochelle.
France Bleu – ICI Matin – This study shows a major evolution in French sexuality, an evolution of practices linked in particular to greater consideration of women's desires. We can say that many men are a little lost in relation to these developments?
Chloé Loiacono – Yes, it's quite normal, because it goes with the evolution of our society. The problem is when we redistribute the cards, how we distribute them, how we approach this new sexuality. And we also have to move away from what we have been taught. But there are a lot of men who are lost because they were educated like that, educated with porn for example, in terms of love, their sexuality, pleasure, while that doesn't happen from the start. just like that. So it's problematic.
“Men are born to enjoy while women are born anorgasmic”
For example, it is very fashionable to question penetration. Is there anything to destabilize men?
Chloé Loiacono – Yes, because, in fact, in sexology, there are two invariants. There is the fact that men are born to orgasm while women are born anorgasmic. So men, their job will be to delay pleasure. They will learn this from a young age by discovering their body. Whereas women, it will be precisely to learn pleasure. And the masculine is programmed to penetrate. You look at mammals, they don't think, it's innate, they know how to do it. Except that penetration, the vagina, is not an area that is very educated in pleasure for women, it is something that comes more with time and practice. So it’s not an area where there’s necessarily fun. We often talk about vaginal and clitoral orgasm, you should know that it does not exist and that is why women question it. Because penetration, for many, either they don't feel anything, or they don't have orgasmic pleasure, they have pleasure, but not that there is an orgasm in any case.
In this study, we see that women are more daring to say no when they do not want sex.
Chloé Loiacono – Yes! Afterwards, it's okay to say no if you don't want to. This is why there is also a decline in the number of relationships between couples, because there are many women who saw it a bit like marital duty. Marital duty doesn't exist, it's if you want to, you can. Afterwards, we can give ourselves the opportunity to feel like it. Because believing that we both want to at the same time like that doesn't exist, it's only in the films, so we can give ourselves the opportunity. The problem is that there are many men who are afraid of having this refusal and who do not propose, they are afraid of altering consent by proposing. So proposing is not forcing. We can propose and have the right to say no. So. But actually, there are many more women who listen to each other and that's so much the better. But now we have to think about how to integrate this into couple sexuality. How to do it?
A therapist like you will always say that in a couple, the key is communication?
Chloé Loiacono – It's communication, yes, and it's also integrating that we all have differences in libido. It's in all couples, we can't have the same desire at the same time and also in terms of frequency. So it’s important to be able to communicate about it and to simply talk to each other about it.
“It’s important to leave room for eroticism, complicity, sensuality, at any age”
Another element that emerges from this study is that sex life does not stop with age.
Chloé Loiacono – Seniors still have a sexuality. It's just that before, we didn't talk about it. They often even have a sexuality that is much more fulfilled than young people. I have a lot of young people who tell me “yes but we don't want to have the sexuality of 60 year olds”… They are doing very well, don't worry! And now we talk about it a little more and that’s so much the better. And it’s starting to be a little more represented, at least in films.
What is important in the sexuality of seniors is that when people go to a retirement home, sometimes they are placed in couples and these couples lose intimacy because they are not placed in the same rooms. You should know that these couples, if they do not have penetrating sexual intimacy, they still have erotic intimacy. This can involve caresses, cuddles. And that's important to leave room for eroticism, complicity, sensuality, at any age. Because it's also what holds the couple together, what holds together the human in fact quite simply, touch, social and loving contact. So it's important.
There is the question of prevention in this study: condom use is lower than in the 80s and 90s. However, there is no less risk.
Chloé Loiacono – There is no less risk. The problem is that today, in France at least, people no longer die from AIDS because there are very advanced treatments. Be careful, it's going to be very heavy treatment, it's not very fun. In addition, now there is PrEP, which is a prevention treatment for people at risk, sex workers, etc. So we are no longer afraid of AIDS. But there are all the other sexually transmitted diseases which are on the rise at the moment, Chlamydia for example, which affects a lot of young people. There is also everything that will be syphilis, hepatitis, etc. This is not to be neglected either, you have to protect yourself. And so the recommendation is a test every three months if you are in a relationship with multiple partners, and once a year if you are in an established couple, because you never know what could happen. pass. It is important to test yourself regularly.
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