A former chemsex addict, Xavier managed to recover. This practice, which consists of having sexual relations under the influence of drugs, can have completely disastrous effects on the health and lives of its practitioners.
For 10 years, from his 30s to his 40s, Xavier sank into what he describes as “a hot topic“: chemsex. This word is the contraction of “chemicals” and “sex”. This practice consists of having sexual relations exclusively under the influence of drugs and has experienced a sharp rise in popularity in confinement period.
“Addiction sets in very sneakily because initially, it is a search for pleasure. And with repetition, it becomes a real habit“, testifies Xavier. “And from about a year to two years ago, it became about once a week. It was my favorite weekend or outing activity when I worked in the evening. I came home, I did that.”
Today, Xavier has been sober for over three years. His road to recovery was long and dotted with relapses. “I actually wanted to kill myself. I got on the roof and wanted to jump. I was, in my delirium, following signs. I walked across all the rooftops until I got to the other side of the buildings here. And finally, I ran into someone who called the police. And so the police took me to the emergency room again“, he confides.
The police were, at the time, the only way to wean yourself off. A situation which does not surprise sexologist Marguerite-Marie André-Dumont. “Chemsex has allowed a lot of encounters that are much more intense, much faster and much stronger. And so, people who try to escape loneliness are going to find themselves even lonelier right after. They will thus make descents, climbs and descents. At this level, it is also very negative for them, because they will have psychoses, they will have depression, moments of anxiety.”
Knowing how to listen to yourself
“It takes the entire universe to be able to do this“, says Xavier. “The very first step will be to recognize that there is a problem and that we will need help. The second step will be to listen. Without this listening, it is not possible to get through it. Because as long as I believe that ‘yes, no, actually, it’s okay, I’ll manage it, I’ll get there on my own’, it’s never going to be possible. In fact, that’s my ego speaking.”
Drawing on his experiences, Xavier wrote a book and launched a YouTube channel with which he hopes to spark a stir among those who need it. To counter the taboo around chemsex and addiction, the forty-year-old chose humor. “There is a completely fulfilling life after“, he assures.
A statement that may have difficulty resonating with certain addicts, as Marguerite-Marie André-Dumont confirms: “Often, Patients tell us that it is complicated to find a normal sexual relationship, without drugs. This is why many patients continue to keep certain moments when they take the drug anyway, because it is something that transcends them and which they are really looking for. So they really have to relearn how to have emotions and have sensations.”
Help is available
In addition to Xavier’s videos and book, other help is available to chemsexers who wish it. The Ex-aequo non-profit organization is one of the only ones to offer this type of aid in Brussels. For Arturo Maezzo, psychologist at the non-profit organization, “we really have to be careful not to judge and stigmatize the practice of chemsex as something that would be of the order of a perversion or something similar. But we must understand that, as long as there is someone who comes to consult a mental health professional, that means that there are other dimensions that must be addressed and which are not necessarily always linked to the practice of chemsex in general.“
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