Putting everyone in the same basket may not be a panacea when it comes to couples therapy, a study from the University of Lucerne shows. So, more empathy does not necessarily mean a better relationship.
“If we observe each couple individually, we can arrive at a different result than that obtained by establishing the average of all the couples,” indicates Andrew Gloster, who led this research, quoted Wednesday in a press release from the Swiss National Fund ( FNS).
Psychological homogeneity, that is, the idea that everyone functions in the same way, has been questioned for some time. “But it is only recently that psychotherapy research has become aware of this,” notes the researcher.
New methods of data collection and analysis have made it possible to challenge a well-established principle that experiencing empathy increases the attractiveness of a partner. The same principle applies for self-compassion. According to the well-known adage: you can only love others if you love yourself.
Empathy would then increase satisfaction within the relationship, which would translate in particular into tolerance, kindness and concern towards the other person or, in the case of self-compassion, towards oneself- even. This is why most couples therapy consultations tend to promote these qualities.
A little half of the couples
To find out, Professor Gloster’s team analyzed data collected as part of another study, for which 84 heterosexual couples living in Switzerland kept a type of diary in real time. For a week, participants rated their partner’s empathy, self-compassion and their partner’s attractiveness several times a day.
“We were able to analyze the couples separately, from the point of view of each partner, and discovered that they deviated from the average,” explains Andrew Gloster.
The analysis revealed that the formula “empathy towards the other also increases their attractiveness” is only true for a small half of couples. For the other half, scientists have not been able to establish a link between empathy towards the partner and attraction.
This observation therefore has repercussions on consultations: “For couples where empathy towards the other and attraction are linked, it can be useful to strengthen empathy and self-compassion”, underlines the researcher. For others, however, this strategy may prove ineffective.
According to Andrew Gloster, who himself has been a couples therapist, it would be wiser to determine the dynamics of a relationship at the beginning of therapy and then personalize the strategy to adopt. Australian and American scientists also participated in this work published in the Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science.
This article was automatically published. Source: ats
