You’re not stupid. Yes, your parents had a favorite child. Worse, among your own children, there is one that you cherish more than the others.
Posted yesterday at 7:00 p.m.
Who says it? Researchers who have seriously looked into the issue of parental favoritism and whose study has just been published by the American Psychological Association in its journal Psychological Bulletin.
The researchers’ conclusion: one type of child is more appreciated in general. Which one is it? Wool ? The youngest? The middle one?
Initially, the Americans Alexander Jensen and McKell Jorgensen-Wells, authors of the study published in the Psychological Bulletininstead hypothesized that mothers tend to favor girls and fathers tend to favor boys.
They embarked on a meta-analysis of 30 scientific journal articles already published on the subject. They also examined various theses and examined 14 databases. In total, 19,469 participants were considered. The researchers analyzed what impact the child’s birth order, gender, temperament and personality traits can have.
At the end of all this, the researchers concluded that the favorites are most often girls, as well as children who are conscientious (responsible, organized). To a lesser extent, the youngest children would also be less popular with their parents.
Everything therefore indicates, the researchers note, that parents have a preference for children who are easier to “manage”.
A big taboo
A whole episode of The Crownthe series about the British royal family, focuses on this theme of the family favorite when the character embodying the English Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher without embarrassment confides to Elizabeth II that her favorite is her son.
Shocked to hear it, the queen is retorted by her husband, Philip, who everyone knows well that she also has a favorite, Andrew (who has since fallen from grace due to his connections with the sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein and, more recently , an alleged Chinese spy).
In both cases, the Queen and Prime Minister’s two alleged favorite children were particularly exuberant.
-The main author of the study, Alexander Jensen, does not hide the fact that he himself would have believed that parental favoritism would work more to the advantage of particularly exuberant, entertaining children. “Americans, for example, seem to particularly value extroverted people, but within families this might be less important,” he notes.
Still, the idea that sons and younger children are the least loved in a family seems counterintuitive. The sociologist Francine Descarries first indicates to what extent this study can only be valid, at best, for a few countries. Because in the majority of societies, she recalls, it is baby boys who are hoped for and valued.
For the United States and for us, that girls are preferred, if this is really the case, undoubtedly refers in his opinion to the socialization of children. Little girls, she emphasizes, are still educated by making them develop concern, while boys are led more “towards action, towards acting”. “It tends to lessen with the greater awareness of gendered education”, but it is still far from perfect, notes Mme Descarries.
So yes, perhaps girls raised to be kind, even docile, make life easier for parents and this perhaps explains this, in fact, in our societies.
An issue for mental health
But what is the point of doing research on this subject, other than creating chatter in the cottages? The researchers point out that, as several studies have already demonstrated, differentiated treatment between children has its impact. “Studies have already established that less appreciated children develop less well, that they have poorer mental health. »
They also point out that two studies concluded that less advantaged children have more problematic behaviors, as well as more difficult family relationships.
It should be noted that the researchers note that their study did not allow them to see if the observed models evolved, in other words, if the favorites remained the same among siblings from early childhood to adulthood.
Additional amounts of money given to one or the other, special permissions, greater leniency in the face of the same reprehensible behavior: parents have reason to think about their actions and their effects.
Adult siblings may also find food for thought. “The next time you find yourself wondering if your sibling is the favorite child, remember that there is probably a lot more at stake than simple preference for older or younger child,” says Alexander Jensen. This could be related to responsibility, temperament, or simply how easy or difficult it is to get along with you. »
