Samuel, 42, has been in a relationship with Katia, 41, for 10 years. It was their passion for cycling that brought them together. They still practice their passion together at least once a week, on the weekend. They have a 4-year-old boy together: “He already accompanies us on bike rides, in a seat, with me. We all look forward to the time when he can actually join us on his own bike. There he is already driving but not for long and you have to move at your own pace. But in a few years, we’ll go on outings as a threesome and it’ll be great. It already is, but it will be even better. »
Despite their great bond and a common passion, Samuel and Katia shared difficult times: “The year after the confinements, Katia changed. She had developed the habit of relieving her stress by playing games on her cell phone and she continued this habit afterward. She spent hours a day there. At first, I didn’t say anything. I myself was often on my cell phone, looking at news sites, social networks or responding to colleagues or friends.
An addiction that eats away at the couple
Who was I to cast the first stone? But as time passed, I realized that she did that as soon as she had 5 minutes to spare. There was no longer a moment when she didn’t have her cell phone in her hand. She had it on when she got up, where she collected things that recharged during the night. She had it right before bed and we no longer shared a goodnight hug like we used to. After 6-7 months, I finally saw red and told him to get treatment. She took it very badly. »
The couple then found themselves in crisis: “She didn’t want to discuss with me because she found me too aggressive. And I was annoyed as soon as I saw her. She did everything to avoid me in the house. We took care of our son without speaking to each other. It was not sustainable. It lasted several weeks like that and I thought it was the end. I didn’t see how we could get out of it. In the end, she was the one who came up with a solution.
We took care of our son without speaking to each other
She came to me saying that she did indeed have a problem but that I had had a very bad reaction and had hurt her. That now she had her problem and what’s more, she couldn’t trust me to help her through it. She felt judged and not confident enough to resolve anything. But she still loved me, phew, and she wanted us to get through it. I told her that she had thought a lot more than me, as usual, because I didn’t see a way out. It was there that she suggested couples therapy. For her we had to work on ourselves before she could work on herself. »
Treating the couple and addiction
At the first meeting with the psychotherapist, Katia lays her cards on the table: “I immediately said that I had an addiction problem. I didn’t wait for Samuel to tell me about it to realize it. I just hoped that we would have the time and space, one day, to talk about it together to see what we could do to help me get through it. On a daily basis, and alone, it was just stronger than me. I could barely stop myself from putting too much money into this. Because it costs money. I put psychological barriers on myself so as not to exceed 10 euros per day.
I could barely stop myself from putting too much money into this
I told myself it was like being a smoker, pretty much. That it wasn’t that bad. We add up the small amounts and it seems less serious. But in the end, when I did the calculation, I had put several hundred euros into it. Too much money. It was couples therapy that allowed me to talk about it with Samuel. Without that, it would have been impossible. He would have gone into a rage and we would have been blocked. Therapy allowed us to find a neutral space to talk about problems, and even my problems. To be able to move forward. »
In parallel with couples therapy, Katia began cognitive-behavioral therapy: “I did not remain passive. I wanted to show Samuel that I wanted to get out of this as much as I wanted us to get out of this. I started therapy which is specially recommended for gambling addiction. The goal is to reduce the doses little by little until I am able to stop. It felt good right away.
During our therapy together, I gained a lot of strength.
I started to feel a little more in control, a little less a victim of my impulses. During our therapy together, I gained a lot of strength. I regained confidence in our relationship. It really was a period of virtuous circle. Everything was nourished in good ways. I felt happy for the first time in months. I had let myself be consumed by the stress of everyday life, of the pandemic, of our son who was going to grow up in a world that I no longer recognized.
I had had periods of stress at work and never really let off the pressure. The two therapies combined allowed me to reconnect with reality. I got lost and I couldn’t see him. Nobody had seen him. But I am convinced that I would not have been able to get through it without Samuel and without our relationship as a foundation in my life. »
 and Katia (41 years old), “She had her cell phone in her hand from morning to evening”){kind=link}