At the sexologist, most couples consult for a lack of desire or even a sexual activity that has been completely forgotten. How can we explain these little interruptions? And what solutions prove effective in boosting desire? In a couple’s daily life, several points can weaken sexual desire. Main origins: invasive screens and “ often heavy consumption of pornography or online sex », explains Sébastien Landry, psychosexologist specializing in cancerologycancerology.
“ I meet a lot of patients who no longer have much sex, and often one of them is a fan of cybersexuality and sometimes masturbates in secret every day, leaving aside their sex life as a couple. This destroys a lot of things in the couple’s intimacy. “, he specifies. Not to mention that overconsumption of pornography harms the quality of erections and can induce an overall feeling of dissatisfaction or even depression.
Too many screens kill love?
Are there other points that come into play? “ Lack of time ”, often linked to the problem “ time spent on small screens », attests Sébastien Landry. “ If you move the number of hours spent on phones or computerscomputersmost of us would find plenty of time to make love! » The mental load also becomes overwhelming for some, and no longer leaves room for spontaneity. “ Many of my patients have a scheduled time during the week for sexual intercourse. The rest is devoted to work, sports, children, outings. Some people also make excuses ”, as if sex were relegated to the background. “ This routine or avoidance extremely harms the desire for the other. »
Finally, completely different needs between two members of a couple, beyond the feeling of love, also weaken desire. “ Some say they want sex too much, others not at all. But I don’t think there are any standards on this. Everyone has their own needs », underlines Sébastien Landry. On the other hand, the situation can become complicated. when the imbalance on this subject takes up a lot of space in the couple, when the disagreement on the frequency of intercourse creates a conflict latentlatent “.
What are the solutions to remedy the lack of desire?
- break the routine: by changing the day, time, place or sexual practice. “ For example, I advise my patients to allow time for foreplay. Many mistakenly associate the sexual act with penetration. » Especially since breaking away from this dogma allows many people to take enormous pleasure through masturbation or oral sex;
- create sexual scenarios by sending sexts and suggestive photos to your partner. “ For consumers of online sex, this prevents the brain from consuming virtual images. All the imagination and therefore theenergyenergy sexual will be devoted to the couple who will gain in balance and complicity » ;
- test erotic podcasts alone or in pairs which change from pornographic videos and are often finer, more connected to real stories. A good way to reactivate fantasies and sexual desire with your partner;
- Communicate about sexuality. “ Some of my patients have such imbalances in their sex life that their relationships are in danger. Before consulting, they are often full of preconceptions about the desires and fantasies of the other. » Quite simply because the subject of sexuality was not calmly broached. “ Lack of communication about sex destroys the couple and sexual desire », testifies Sébastien Landry. Therapy allows you to approach the subject, to discover or re-discover yourself on a sexual level. In a few sessions, “ there are even people who say they do not recognize their relationship, or even do not recognize themselves because they are so fulfilled in their new sexuality » ;
- consult a sexologist when the situation does not improve despite several attempts to rekindle desire. “IHe advises people to come alone at first to tackle a discussion that is sometimes full of filters when approached in pairs. Then from time to time plan couple sessions », concludes Sébastien Landry.
