BACK TO SCHOOL – The return from vacation is not easy for everyone. A week after the start of the school year on September 2, separation anxiety does not seem to be easing for some children. Are you one of those whose child cries every morning when you leave? Do you look enviously at those who wave distantly at their parents or almost ignore their mother when she leaves?
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There is no reason to worry, however, as confirmed by the HuffPost Marine Darnat-Wambèke. This psychologist and author of ” My child is anxious » (De Boeck Supérieur editions) posted a video on the subject, see below:
« We must start by removing the guilt from parents: it is not that they are doing something wrong, it is just a normal and natural reaction.the shrink reminds us. It’s the most effective way he has of expressing his emotion. And that doesn’t mean he’s unhappy about going to school.”
According to her, it is completely normal that the start of the school year provokes a reaction, for children as well as for parents. We can tell him that it’s strange for us too, especially if it’s his first day at school.suggests the professional. The child feels our emotion, our stress too. First of all, we must not pretend and talk to him about what we feel. » The child also needs to be reassured that he is not forgotten during the day.
A little heart on the inside of the wrist
He also needs to feel that the parent is comfortable leaving him at school. “When he goes out, we must avoid asking him if he cried a lot, if the teacher comforted him or not, and putting the idea in the child’s head that we are not 100% sure that we are taking good care of him,” emphasizes the psychologist.
She also advises explaining to the child what you are doing, at work or elsewhere, when he is at school or at daycare, and projecting it onto the reunion. We can talk about the evening, the time when we will meet again, tell him that we will be very happy to tell each other what we did, she explains. To get through days that can seem long, the psychologist suggests using tips shared by many parents, such as drawing a little heart.
The idea: to bite a small heart on the inside of the child’s wrist or forearm – because children wash their hands all the time. It works very wellconfirms the psychologist. We can tell him that when he thinks of us, when he needs a little pick-me-up, he can look at it and know that we are thinking of him, sending him kisses and love. » We can also fill this drawing of a little heart with kisses every morning, to create a reserve from which he can draw throughout the day.
“Give the child back a little bit of control”
And if you are not very small hearted, there are alternatives, like a small bracelet, the same for the child and the adult, or any small detail that can comfort him. It can be anything, a hair elastic that is the same, a decal… The important thing is the symbolism of the link and to give him back a little bit of control, in a situation that he does not control or has little control over,” recalls Marine Darnat-Wambèke.
These little tricks may not be enough to stop the crying in the morning right away. But for the psychologist, we don’t necessarily have to worry about it. If the teacher tells you that five minutes after you leave, the child is engaged in his activities, and that when you pick him up in the evening he is smiling, then everything is fine.she emphasizes. On the other hand, if on All Saints’ Day he still cries all day, if he has nightmares or wakes up every night, that’s different.”
Generally speaking, if the child’s behavior is different from usual and this continues over time, do not hesitate to speak with the teacher, or the school psychologist if there is one.
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