the double sorrow of Marie who lost her baby to breast cancer

Dn Marie Alanet’s life, nothing went as planned. However, initially, everything was going well for this dynamic young woman of 37 years old today. Educator at the Puilboreau children’s home, she lived in Aytré, had lots of friends and many activities. Since 2015, she knew she carried the BRCA1 gene, which increases the risk of breast and ovarian cancer, she also had a benign fibroadenoma in her left breast, but she was closely monitored. She even considered prophylactic bilateral mastectomy, recommended before tumors occur.

The miracle

In 2022, the biological clock is ticking. In March, Marie Alanet went to the fertility center in La Rochelle to preserve her eggs to perhaps have a baby later. “I am told that I am almost sterile. » No more contraception. Surprise, a month later, she is pregnant. This is the great news.

Except that pregnancy increases the risk of cancer. “I was shocked. Being pregnant was both a miracle and a risk. » Marie chooses to be a single mother but very accompanied by her mother and grandmother. Lyah was born by cesarean section on November 23, 2022. It’s happiness.

I was so afraid of leaving my daughter an orphan that I had to make a will immediately

In the summer of 2023, everything changes. Diagnosis: breast cancer. And not the least: “the most aggressive and the most deadly, it is the one which presents the greatest risk of recurrence with tumors which evolve very quickly”. No more prophylactic ablation, there will be 16 sessions of chemotherapy and 17 of immunotherapy, plus injections and medications. “The world has collapsed. For fear of leaving my daughter an orphan, I made a will immediately. »

No choice, Marie submits to the heavy protocol. “I was exhausted, even though I left my daughter in the nursery and with my mother. I felt guilty. Lyah was fine, I told her I loved her and it wasn’t her fault, but how did she feel? »

Before her chemo on September 15, Marie can’t take it anymore. “I cry, I feel like shit. » To relieve her, her mother will take Lyah to her home in Marennes on the 13th. “In order not to worry her, I left my daughter, telling her that I was going to get treatment, that I loved her and that I was not abandoning her. »

The drama

The same evening, Grandma posts videos of the little one and Marie sends kisses to her daughter via FaceTime. It’s the ritual, as it should have been when waking up on September 14th. But nothing. “My mother didn’t answer the phone. I felt there was a problem. » She picks up at 11 a.m.: “It’s Lyah, my darling. I walked into her room and she was gone. » The 9 and a half month old baby has just suffered an unexpected infant death.

My daughter was taken from me when I couldn’t have children

Marie’s fragile world collapses. “For an hour, I screamed: ‘it’s not possible’.” I was dazed. My daughter was taken from me even though I couldn’t have children. » Of course, the mother wants to see her baby, but her body is already on its way to the Poitiers forensic institute. Visits prohibited. Exceptionally, Marie is allowed to see Lyah, but not to hold her. “I kissed and caressed her, I talked to her. She was beautiful and peaceful. And yet, at the autopsy, they were going to open my daughter. »

The next day, chemo is scheduled. The oncologist is surprised to see Marie. “I promised my daughter I wouldn’t die for her. If I hadn’t gone, I would have given up. » Now is not the time. Marie, “in robot mode”, must already prepare Lyah’s funeral.

“I chose his clothes, his coffin, the plaque, the music, the flowers. » The baby’s body returned on September 16 to the Marennes funeral directors. “I went to see Lyah every day to read her stories and bring her her cuddly toys. I recreated a cozy place for her. »

On the day of the funeral, September 21, 2023, it is Marie who closes Lyah’s coffin after finally being able to take her in her arms, one last time. “I wanted to take care of my daughter until the end,” says the woman who asked the audience to wear a turban, like Lyah.

The fight

The next day, Marie shaved her head. “Before I lost my hair, I chased away my pain. » Since then, she has completed chemo and immunotherapy, had her left breast removed, while waiting for her right breast to be removed by prophylaxis and two other operations. She is in remission. Good news, despite the depression, fatigue, pain and infinite lack of Lyah.

Marie tries to move forward in her house in Marennes, “Casa Lyah”, visited two weeks before the death of her baby. “I bought it anyway because it was our family life project,” says the “Mam’ange of Lyah” who had her daughter’s first name tattooed on her windpipe “to shout her name. »

It is to express this that Marie created an Instagram account Marie_Lyah_va_la_vie. “It’s a diary about my cancer and perinatal bereavement, but I also want to inform and raise awareness about prevention. It’s my therapy, maybe I’ll write a book one day. »

Even though she is surrounded by people, “I am afraid of being misunderstood and a burden for others. However, I must not blame people for being happy with living children,” explains the woman who has always known how to listen and who needs an ear so much today.

“I smile for the facade, but I’m screaming inside. I constantly think of my daughter whom I love more and more. I promised him I would live so I’m trying to survive. But I am incomplete, carefreeness no longer exists. Lyah is gone, I won’t have any more children and the illness may return. Every day I ask myself what’s the point of staying alive; If so, I’ll find her… But a mother doesn’t give up. »