Inflation and the cost of living also weigh on the couple: a recent survey of RBC revealed that more than half of respondents relied on being in a relationship to be able to maintain their standard of living.
This reality makes couples’ discussions about money even more difficult. Moreover, three out of five respondents to this survey (62%) affirmed that money is a source of arguments and almost a quarter of respondents mentioned that it had never been as stressful as today to talk about finances with their partner. Unsurprisingly, two in ten people said their spouse simply avoided discussing the issue.
How to avoid arguments
These results hardly surprise Véronique Joanis, speaker and trainer for L’Argent… Let’s talk about it. “With inflation and the rising cost of living, people are experiencing a lot of financial anxiety. To avoid starting arguments, they prefer not to talk about money. It is a defense mechanism which can unfortunately have long-term consequences on the couple. In fact, it is essential to discuss it, and ideally, we should do it before we even start living together,” she believes.
The speaker mentions that our own fears also weigh heavily. “We avoid talking about it so as not to have to face our fears, for example that of not being able to provide for our needs, of running out of money or of making financial mistakes,” she says.
How to get out of the impasse? We start by demystifying the subject by informing ourselves and educating ourselves in order to improve our financial literacy. Véronique Joanis recommends starting with subjects that interest us more, then gradually becoming interested in themes that take us out of our comfort zone. By improving your knowledge, you will also reduce your fears.
To prevent conversations about money from turning ugly, we should also demonstrate financial empathy. “To do this, you communicate your fears to your partner in complete transparency. We must focus on mutual aid and form a united team rather than falling into a power struggle,” she explains. Taking a personal finance course together can also help get you off on the right foot.
A positive approach
For his part, Craig Bannon, general manager, regional financial planning support at RBC, explains that approaching the issue in a positive way helps facilitate the conversation. “We discuss common objectives and how the financial decisions taken today will help us achieve them,” he illustrates.
-Next, we examine the sharing of expenses and possible adjustments that would help reduce financial stress within the couple. For example, a person who fears running out of money in retirement would be reassured to be able to contribute more to their RRSPs. Analyze the budget to find a solution so that it can free up money for this purpose.
“Whatever your decisions, keep in mind that each member of the couple must be able to maintain their financial balance and stay focused on their own goals,” argues Craig Bannon. It is also desirable to talk about financial issues periodically as a couple, if possible once a month, in order to take stock at regular intervals.
Finally, last tip and not least: make a family budget. This will help you know the exact amounts of money coming in and going out, which will help you make informed financial decisions.
5 TIPS TO START THE CONVERSATION
To talk about money with your partner without it ending in an argument, Véronique Joanis makes the following recommendations:
- Don’t take your partner head-on, accuse them or pass judgment. This would create resistance and harm the discussion;
- Ask open-ended questions, don’t stop at a specific problem, but opt for a broader vision of financial issues;
- Be transparent and explain the reasons behind your own financial fears. For example: “In my family we ran out of money,” etc. Show empathy when your partner opens up to you about their blockages;
- Be open to the solutions proposed by your partner;
- Mention that your goal is to improve the couple’s financial situation and that you want to work as a team. Your motto: together, we’ll get there!
