Many look forward to them, then regret when they come to an end. Not everyone can take advantage of this to go away from home. And for them to go as well as possible, you need to prepare them well.
For several years, Lisa Letessier, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, wanted to write on the anything but trivial subject of vacations. Beyond any simplistic image, they can be the starting point for many things and even reveal a reality. “Talking about vacations also means talking about your daily life, your fatigue, your work”his family life or friends, explains Lisa Letessier, also couples therapist and sexologist.
“Never tell yourself that you haven’t succeeded if everything hasn’t worked out”
Proof that the subject is more delicate than it seems, she has started writing her book published in 2024 several times: How to keep the benefit of your vacation (Odile Jacob editions).
From the first pages, she admits to having suffered from imposter syndrome, she who sets very high demands for her vacation to go well and does not always manage to apply the advice she provides.
She explains that “It sometimes takes years to find your true balance between professional and personal life. Quite simply also because life evolves. When you have children, it shakes up the system a bit. As we get older or older, we don't necessarily have the same needs and desires. So sometimes you feel like you've found a balance, and then all of a sudden it doesn't fit anymore, you have to start all over again. » And to confess : “Even the most seasoned psychologists sometimes find themselves drowning in their daily lives. »
To get the full benefit of your vacation, you have to anticipate it, she assures. If we have particular goals, activities or resolutions, they should not remain in the form of intentions that we imagine realizing during the holidays. They must be formally established in advance.
You have to start simple, with two or three objectives, specifies Lisa Letessier and above all “never tell yourself that you haven’t succeeded if everything hasn’t worked out”. At the risk of seeing guilt set in. “It’s really a long-term process. »
Not a miracle solution but the start of better well-being
In her book, she also explains that vacations are never a miracle that will solve all everyday problems. But, despite everything, they can be a real starting point for feeling better in the long term.
“What happens during the holidays is a concentration of life. As, a priori, we don't go on vacation every month, it can be very long between two bubbles. The idea is to say to myself that if I also improve my daily life and the way I take time for myself during the year, my vacations will generate less waiting… And I will ultimately enjoy it more because my demands will be less important. »
“It’s the same for couplesshe adds. The holidays are a good test. People often tell me: “We found each other because all of a sudden we lifted external stresses. ” So, the challenge ahead will be to protect ourselves from external stresses during the year. » Conversely, “the couples who come back saying: “The holidays were terrible”this often means that there is a fundamental problem and that it was brought on during the holidays. »
Never compromise but build consensus
If not all French people can go far from home, we can take advantage of these break days to change our daily lives, reinvest a little in our homes… “We can take advantage of it to tidy up our children’s rooms and sort things. Or visit places in your region that you didn't know well. Have time with friends, time with the kids, time without the kids. What will be important is to be able to find a balance between our different needs. »
To listen to each other and make it known too. “If you have needs and don't share them with your loved ones, they don't have the ability to read minds and they won't guess them. Speaking up and asking can save a lot of situations. »
Here too, the issue is to « s’organiser » with family, couples or friends “so that everyone can benefit”. There is no question of sacrificing yourself for others. It's even counterproductive. “We always say in couples therapy that you should never compromise, but always reach consensus, because compromise frustrates everyone. »
To do this, “the way of communicating is essentialinsists Lisa Letessier. The form is just as important as the substance. If we do it in a form of reproach, the other will not listen. » She advises to “Always start with “I”, that is to say, express your emotions, your feelings, your needs. And not to say: “You don’t think of me and you didn’t do this or you didn’t do that. ” »
Allow your brain to decelerate and then reaccelerate
Finally, Lisa Letessier gives a little tip, certainly not easy to implement, but very beneficial: decelerate as the holidays approach and gradually reaccelerate when they end. “These are neurological considerations. We know that the functioning of the brain when we are working or when we are on vacation is not entirely the same. This famous prefrontal cortex which runs wild during our work period and costs us a lot of energy, will gradually have to calm down for the benefit of other brain areas. If we do it too brutally, we will often experience both physical and psychological slack.” after a few days off, she explains.
Even if we don't have many weeks of vacation during the year, take a few days to decelerate and reaccelerate “not going to waste vacation days”assure Lisa Letessier. “On the contrary, it is truly a long-term investment in maintaining holiday benefits.” »
“How to keep the benefit of your vacation” by Lisa Letessier, Odile Jacob editions, 224 pages, €22.99.
