At what point do we know that we can no longer leave our children with their grandparents?

The benefits of grandparents looking after grandchildren

Grandparents can very often provide care for their grandchildren, especially during the week. The time spent with children is shorter during the week: on average 4 hours and 51 minutes per childcare, compared to 8 hours and 58 minutes on weekends. On Wednesday, the rate of children looked after by grandparents is higher than on other days (12% of children under 6 years old) and the average time spent with children is longer (7 hours and 12 minutes for ‘all children under 6 years old) according to a Drees report published in 2018. Calling on grandparents can be very beneficial both for them and for the grandchildren. “It’s useful because it creates an emotional bond,” underlines Christian Richomme, psychoanalyst. “It is a complementary love, which in no way replaces that of parents. This is a plus: the bonds between grandparents and grandchildren are special, there is a lot of tenderness and affection. » When we call on grandparents, good communication is necessary upstream so that they respect the parents’ educational model. “Even if there is more flexibility among grandparents, this tendency to offer, give, share, must be done while respecting the parents’ rules,” advises the professional.

• When grandparents get old

The passing years can obviously have an effect on grandparents. “If they have certain physical limitations or cognitive disorders, then the safety of the child is at stake,” specifies the psychoanalyst.

• When the environment is no longer suitable

“If housing is not secure or grandparents live in precarious living conditions, for a child, it can be complicated,” deciphers the professional.

• When there has been inappropriate behavior

Any form of inappropriate behavior must be absolutely banned, even if it cannot be verified, a suspicion must be enough to remove the child from his grandparents., alert Christian Richomme.

• When there are disagreements

If the grandparents do not respect the rules established by the parents, it may be time to rethink this method of care: “When there is disagreement with grandparents on education, it is perhaps the moment to say to ourselves that we can no longer let this happen, if we realize that it is counterproductive, especially if the grandparents -parents are too permissive or too restrictive”, adds Christian Richomme.

We must therefore be vigilant about these warning signals and offer alternatives by, for example, changing the framework. “It is not a question of depriving them of the bond but of guaranteeing the safety of the child. The role of grandparents is important in the development of the child. It is part of the markers of childhood, the past and our history,” concludes the psychoanalyst.