AlphaBits cereal no longer exists and there is no indication that it will ever return

Like everyone else, the author of these lines watched the documentary Alphas broadcast by Télé-Québec.

While trying to make a pocket pun in his head with the words “alpha” and “bite” (in the sense of “seed”), he remembered the existence of the delicious alphabet cereals from his childhood.

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But beyond the nostalgia of the ’80s, he also recalled that in recent years he had wandered the aisles of supermarkets looking for the box adorned with some kind of magician, without success.

Whether going to Metro, Provigo, IGA, Maxi or Super C, he always came back empty-handed, unable to get his hands on a damn box of Alpha-Bits, cereals renowned for being both delicious and delicious. and educational.

Who, in fact, has never tried to write their name (or the words POOP, PENIS, VAGINA or VOMIT) in their bowl while eating lunch?

Alas! His own children were going to have to get by in life without knowing the alphabet.

Of course, he could have fallen back on alphabet soup, but once a week (with grilled-cheese), this is not enough to develop an expertise worthy of Messrs. Robert, Larousse or Usito.

A major investigation into the circumstances leading to the disappearance of the Alpha-Bits was necessary.

J’ [OK, l’utilisation de la 3e personne du singulier pour parler de soi-même, ça suffit rendu au 9e paragraphe] So I consulted the Wikipedia page of the cereal brand and learned that their production had ceased in October 2021 (on the sly, it seems.)

I then sent a message to Post Consumer Brands Canadaa company that produces different kinds of cereal and has nothing to do with the crown corporation that delivers the mail.

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I asked them to enlighten me on the subject.

“Why did you stop producing Alpha-Bits cereal? And do you think you’ll put them back on the market one day?” I asked.

While waiting for their response, I acted like a doubtful person facing the “Chinese virus” and the 5G network: I did my research.

Like a true detective, I took to Twitter/X and wrote “Post AlphaBits discontinued”.

What I discovered was appalling.

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On August 30, 2021, at 1:30 p.m., the official Post cereal account responded this to an Internet user who, like me three years later, was looking for AlphaBits for his son.

“Hi! We are sorry to announce that production of AlphaBits has been discontinued. Typically, our products are discontinued due to lack of demand or to make way for the introduction of new products. We hope you find a new Post product that your son will love.”

STAB IN THE HEART!

It’s as if they were saying to me: “Oh! We forgot to tell you, but we just threw your childhood away. You’ll probably like these new Cinna-Crounche-Paw-Patrol-with-Reeses-and-prime-yellow.”

The final blow came last Friday, November 15, at 3:09 p.m.

That day, I received a response to my email to Post Consumer Brands.

“Dear Frédéric Guindon,

Thank you for contacting us about Post Alpha-Bits cereal.

It often happens that products are discontinued due to a lack of consumer demand or to make way for the introduction of new products. We have no plans to reintroduce Alpha Bits cereal at this time. Your comments regarding our product will be forwarded to our marketing department.

Once again, we apologize for any inconvenience this decision may have caused. We hope you discover other Post Consumer Brands products that you enjoy.”

The sentence that struck me the most is without a doubt: “We have no plans to reintroduce Alpha Bits cereal at this time.»

The “for now” offers a glimmer of hope, but in this avalanche of gibberish marketingment OK, she is very thin.

The last hope we have left is obviously… MARCEL LEBOEUF!

Believe it or not, but during his visit from July 11 to Sweet Saltythe unforgettable interpreter of Jean Côté in Chop Suey admitted that he was a fan of AlphaBits…and that he even stocked up on them!!!

I hereby implore Marcel Leboeuf to offer me a portion of AlphaBits, so that my youngest son can learn his alphabet.

Please, Marcel!