Violaine is 31 years old and she is locked in a spiral of lies: “I lie about everything, to everyone. I lie about details, about important things. Nobody knows who I really am. People ask me what I I made my weekend at the office on Monday morning and I find myself recounting how I went running and the friends I saw, while I spent the weekend on my couch I show. photos of trips that I didn’t make. Even my friends, I don’t know how to tell the truth anymore. It’s never the first thing that comes out. I’d be ashamed to say it. It doesn’t match the face I’ve shown others for years.”
Lies have taken up so much space in her life that she was recently forced to share her problem on the Internet: “I found myself at home several times without knowing who I really was and what I wanted. The lies and reality were mixed together. It triggered real crises where I found myself curled up on the couch crying. I thought about going to see a shrink but I didn’t find the courage. I’m afraid of other people’s judgment. But I managed to connect to a social network and find the strength to speak the way I really wanted to speak. I don’t say that I’m a liar in real life, but I don’t have a filter, I’m not trying to please anyone. It does me good. I see it as a kind of therapy. I’m relearning how to tell the truth.”
Violaine knows that her lies prevent her from forming deep relationships: “I am not capable of forming a relationship with someone. I feel that I am still too fragile, that I would have the reflex to lie rather than tell the truth. Deep down, I don’t feel confident. If I started lying, it’s because I didn’t accept who I was. I had the impression that no one was going to love me. as I am. And by lying, I convinced myself that I had no value without it. I actually made my problem worse. And now I tell myself that I can no longer have an honest relationship with him. the people who are already in my life. I have to say goodbye to the friends I have now who I’m not really friends with since they don’t know me. I have to redefine my relationships with my colleagues. I need to start from scratch and that scares me. It requires courage that I don’t have at all.”
She feels like she’s alone with her problem: “I don’t know anyone who does this kind of thing. I feel like everyone is more confident than me, that everyone likes each other enough so as not to have to hide. I suspect that this is not entirely true but what it did for me was to distance myself from the world. lies and I see others being happy on the other side. I also thought that it would be easier if I really had things to tell, to make myself interesting. But I can’t motivate myself to do so. things that I’m not sure I want. I’m lost. I don’t know if I like my life anymore. Before, what I preferred was watching series and reading quietly at home. no need to have a life that moves too much. I’m a calm person. But I don’t really know anymore. Maybe I need to find myself on my own to find who I really am. . I’ve been lying for so long that I’m a little lost in my personalities. I need to be alone and learn to love what I discover. I hope to find the courage to do it soon because I feel like I’m reaching the end of this cycle. I thought I was protecting myself but it hurt me too much. I need something else.”
Who are these people who lie about their lives, their stories or their personalities? How do we come to lie? For some people, it is not possible to be completely honest even with loved ones or loved ones. Let’s try to understand a little better those who lie despite love.
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