Mathilde Gros, in what state of mind are you approaching these Worlds?
Mathilde Gros: I go there to rediscover sensations. It’s like when you break your face on a horse. We have to go back up quickly because otherwise we might never go back up again. I said that whatever happened at the Games, I would do these World Championships. The fact of projecting myself allowed me to ignore the state I was in.
What state were you in after the Games?
MG: This August 9, clearly, there is a part of me that died. I remember screaming in the corridors. No one had ever seen me like this. I felt like I was dying. It was super painful. I didn’t know who was around me. I didn’t know where I was. I just knew my life was falling apart.
Was it worse than after the Tokyo Games where things had already gone badly?
MG: Five times worse. I had been preparing for these Games at home for seven years. I had invested time, energy, money. I was 250,000% invested. I thought it was my moment, it was my time. Fortunately, I am very well surrounded. For now, my brain is holding up. He took over because my heart fell to pieces that day.
How were the following days?
MG: The next day, I left for Spain. We took the car and we traced. We did not do the closing ceremony, because for me, it was not possible given what had happened and the state I was in.
The final bouquet: Yseult covers “My Way” by Frank Sinatra
Before the Games you said that life would go on whatever happened. Did it help you?
MG: It saved me. If I hadn’t done that, right now, I wouldn’t be here talking to you. We go so low, it’s so dark, sometimes, the bottom we can touch.
Are you still in the repair process?
MG: I don’t think I’ll ever be truly fixed. Even if I am Olympic champion in Los Angeles (in 2028), that will not go away. It’s a cut, a mourning that I will, perhaps, learn to live with over time.
Have you thought about quitting?
MG: I asked myself the question: do you still love this sport? Will you be able to get back on a bike and take the risk of losing? For the moment, I don’t have clear answers. But I want to. I’m well on the track.
I felt like I was drowning as the races progressed.
MG: Every morning, I ask myself the question: how do you want to spend your day? Depressed, feeling sad, feeling angry? I try to tell myself that every day is an opportunity for me to be better. I’m lucky to not have to get up at 5 a.m. to go to work, to have an incredible life. I’m holding on to that and for now it’s holding up.
Do you have any idea what happened at the Olympics?
MG: I haven’t taken stock yet because I’m trying to rebuild myself and because the emotions are still too raw. But I finally dared to watch the videos. We see that there were three, four who were above the rest. The keirin hurt me a lot because I saw myself at least on the podium. Afterwards, I felt like I was drowning as the races went on. I couldn’t find my pedaling, my sensations, or find my way on the track. It was horrible.
Are you going to change things?
MG: Yes I think in terms of training. Also go abroad to see what others are doing, as Léon Marchand did for example. I have lots of ideas.
What would a good result in Denmark mean?
MG: I want to be a fighter, to be one of the best. And I don’t want to show my competitors that I’m down, even though I might be. What would that mean? Mathilde Gros is weak, she is finished. No, for me, it’s not possible.
