You were born in 1985 in Guinea into a large family and raised until the age of ten by a grandmother whom you adored. Why did this woman agree to you being circumcised so young?
I understand that this is quite difficult to hear in the West. In the village where I grew up, all the girls were circumcised, it is part of centuries-old traditions. People perceive those who have not been virgins as impure, unmarriageable because they risk not being virgins before knowing their husband. 97% of Guinean women are excised, even those who are not Muslims. In addition, there is a huge taboo on this issue which is unfortunately silenced by women themselves.
In my case, my grandmother asked me to follow a woman blacksmith into the savannah, dressed in a simple loincloth. No one told me what was going to happen, my arms and legs were held and I was cut, with a cry of pain that I have never forgotten. I then had excruciating pain and bleeding, preventing me from moving and walking for three weeks.
You are married at 13 to a man 30 years older than you whom you join in Rotterdam, who turns out to be violent and manipulative. How did this trap close on you?
Diaryatou and his half-brother in Conakry
My father, neighborhood chief, was a good and respected man who had four wives and around thirty children. He experienced financial difficulties when he refused to give his agreement to the government for the construction of a road requiring a lot of expropriations. My future husband managed to convince my mother that he was going to take care of me and help my brother come to study in Holland, by deluding them about his position as a civil servant for the European Union. A few months later, I was able to obtain a three-month tourist visa at the consulate and I took the plane with my uncle to the Netherlands, despite the forebodings of my father who regretted this arrangement.
As soon as you arrive at Rotterdam airport, you quickly become disillusioned…
I barely recognized this man that I had met a few days when he came to my family. In fact, he was a marabout, undocumented, already married to three women in Africa and Cape Verde. I experienced two and a half years of real hell: he locked me in the apartment for several days when he went to see his wives, beat me like a plaster, raped me, treating me like a maid. I lost my first child four months into my pregnancy and then gave birth to a stillborn baby because of his violence. I wasn’t even sixteen. In 2000, we moved to Les Lilas in an unsanitary apartment. I had to undergo a medical termination of pregnancy because the third baby I was carrying again was malformed due to the beatings I received. Fortunately, I had a neighbor who was not fooled by the situation and who helped me as best she could.
How did you manage to free yourself from its influence?
I knew that what I was going through was not normal but I spoke French poorly, I didn’t even know that the internet or computers existed, plus the vulnerability due to my administrative situation. One day, while he was in Guinea for a month, I heard, on television, a testimony from a Moroccan woman who was a victim of domestic violence but who had managed to change her life. That was the trigger and there, I didn’t stop fighting, entering a long obstacle course. On the advice of my neighbor, I met the social worker from the Ville des Lilas and invented a pretext for my father to send me a birth certificate proving my age. On January 20, 2004, I left my husband, spending six months on the street and in emergency accommodation, undoubtedly the price of my freedom.
Seine-Saint-Denis Child Welfare allowed me to sign a Young Adult Contract giving the right to care in a young workers’ home in Ménilmontant. Furthermore, the Lilas Youth Welcome and Listening Point and the Dionysian association Voix d’elles rebelles helped me benefit from French lessons and psychological support. This support gave me a little time to educate myself, learn computers, think about a direction that obtaining a residence permit made easier.
You are an educator for the Aurore association which works to promote the integration of precarious people. Why did you choose to work in the social sector?
This phase of reconstruction made me realize that excision, violence against women and critical situations are not inevitable and that militant commitment can change the lives of many people. I trained at the University of Paris VIII then I founded the association Espoirs et combats de femmes, also acting with the collectives Excision, let’s talk about it!, Ni whores, ni submissives… My action for secularism and women’s rights are also a way of paying tribute to France which has been a land of welcome and emancipation for me. Furthermore, the fight is more necessary than ever with an increase in excisions in recent years in Africa but also in Indonesia and Malaysia.
To be effective, we must raise awareness in all directions. I wrote a book* about my experience, led campaigns to raise awareness on this subject in France and Guinea and my association informs girls who have been victims of the possibilities of reconstructive surgery. We are committed against the medicalization of excision in African hospitals and I will soon present a project to the European Union so that this barbaric practice is considered a crime against humanity. Men must understand that women’s rights, far from restricting them, are indicative of the freedoms of societies. They must stand with us to change mentalities!
*Diaryatou Bah’s autobiographical book “My childhood was stolen from me” was published in 2006.
Diaryatou Bah, community activist, participates in numerous “happenings” for gender equality in Paris and in the provinces.
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