Miss France 2025 broke an astonishing record

The election of Miss France 2025 was this Saturday in Chasseneuil-du-Poitou. Were you already sleeping? Don’t panic, we’ll tell you.

21h15. Every year, same story. We take out the bottle of red wine, the meal tray, the shapeless pajamas, the bad faith, the unfunny jokes and the crassest dishonesty to witness the election of the most beautiful (yeah, well, “beautiful”.. .what’s going on) woman from France. Without forgetting Jean-Pierre. And even Sylvie. The other. In the absence of Tellier, who withdrew from the committee two years ago (probably to start a hunger strike), they took Vartan out of the archives.

Sylvie Tellier gave up her apron in 2022.

Mind you, Vartan is blonde too.

And like every year, Jean-Pierre seems a little more rigid. You should consider taking it out of the fridge fifteen minutes before the launch, so that it has time to defrost. The presenter who is orchestrating his 30th competition (!), however, has none of his petulance, in a sequinned jacket potentially fatal for epileptic spectators.

And if you missed last year…

And like every year, at least since the Miss France competition is no longer really in line with the values ​​of our time, the emancipation of women, all that, we try a little innovation. Just to scare yourself. Sweat a little. After the traditional sequinned dress as an aperitif, the thirty regional misses make an entrance in… pants. So 2024!

No, but what an idea.

After the first choreography, first portraits. The opportunity to realize that some Misses were born in 2006. Ouch. Fortunately they opened the competition to older skins last year, which has sparked vocations. We could have tried it if we were over 1m40 tall.

The moment also for the candidates to bask us with their master’s degree in management or international marketing, their fantasy of stopping world hunger, saving the oceans and turtles, their passion for justice, singing, dancing, running, crossfit, piano, horse riding, without forgetting to brandish the essential diploma in specialized education and the business of eco-responsible swimsuits.

We would almost start to find it annoying, but a first burst of ugly costumes tickles our natural naughtiness. We also discover that this election will be held under the sign of returned scarves. Proof without doubt that this competition continues to break the codes.

Oops.

Oops.

After a dubious homage to the 60s, the second batch of costumes is no happier. Faced with these cowgirls on acid, Cristina Cordula, who is part of the jury, clearly wants to die as much as we do.

Illegal styling.

The smile is a bit frozen.

10:15 p.m. Jean-Pierre tells us that the costume designer is a woman, which questions the concept of “feminine solidarity”. Parading your sisters dressed as a quiche or a glitter castle… It’s not possible to hate people that much, frankly.

In a glitter castle, yes!

Knocked out after yet another commercial for a Christmas comedy, a sanitary napkin or a hairdryer, we were counting on the swimsuit parade to give us a boost and track down a potential speck of cellulite on the cure-dents legs of the competitors. Forget. Bodysuits have replaced bikinis. Fortunately, Miss France is here to teach us a good lesson in feminism.

10:44 p.m. Still no fall, except for that of our eyelids. Miss France, that has changed. Unlike the face of Sylvie Tellier, hidden in the public, who, without starting a hunger strike, has clearly still not eaten anything since the last edition of the competition.

Many, Sylvie!

The pre-selection of the first fifteen misses does not turn out to be any more exciting, between promotion of “inner beauty”, “human values”, “light”, “hope” and “preservation of ecosystems sailors.

11:25 p.m. While there remains more than an hour to go before knowing if the jury and the public will Finally resolve to elect a blonde, the organizers continue to surprise us. To continue the trend of innovation, the fifteen finalists are obliged to shout down their department by parading in their (second) (feathered) swimsuit. At this stage, it amounts to abuse.

After a final painting “all in grace, finesse and lightness” (unlike the spreads of jam that we snaffle on to pass the time), the last five finalists go through the mill for the oh-so-delicate test of questions . Global warming, inspiration and mission of Miss France… The ultimate opportunity to show off their intelligence, joie de vivre and spirituality in one minute. All punctuated by a few French mistakes.

Proof that IQ matters, neither will win the crown this year. It is Miss Martinique, 34 years old, the oldest candidate in the history of the competition, who becomes Miss France 2025, closing an election that is quite gloomy and without any major issues.

So you always have to believe in your dreams.

Come on, see you next year. Jean-Pierre, hang on, we’re counting on you.