a film on sado-masochism seen by a sexologist

Babygirlthe new film from the daring A24 film studios (Everything Everywhere All At Once, Midsummer, Euphoriaetc.) explores the dynamics of sadomasochistic eroticism. Analysis by a researcher and sex therapist.

This article contains spoilers.

Imagine an accomplished, rich and powerful female CEO with the perfect life. She has a devoted husband, two beautiful children and a luxurious apartment overlooking the city. What more could she want?

Babygirl opens with what appears to be a blissful sex scene between Romy (Nicole Kidman) and her husband Jacob (Antonio Banderas), complete with moans and heavy breathing. The scene suggests that all is well under the covers. Until Romy jumps out of bed, rushes into his office and masturbates while watching porn. His sex life, apparently satisfactory, has gray areas.

As a sex therapist, I am well aware of the three themes at the heart of this story: romance in a hierarchical professional context (when one partner occupies a higher position than the other at work), aspects of BDSM (better understood when we read it in three pairs: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism), and infidelity.

Romantic relationships are a natural aspect of human interactions. They are likely to occur in various contexts, including the workplace. There are many reasons why someone might engage in a consensual relationship in the workplace.

Given that we spend much of our lives at work, often in the company of like-minded people, it’s not surprising that proximity and familiarity (commonly known as the mere exposure effect) can attract people to each other. towards others in this environment. According to one estimate, more than 60% of adults have experienced a workplace romance.

However, when workplace relationships involve hierarchical positions, they present additional ethical challenges, such as power imbalances and conflicts of interest. So what begins as a harmless banter between CEO Romy and intern Samuel (Harris Dickinson) quickly turns into a more intimate, sexually tension-filled office affair.

When Samuel brings up dominance and submission (the DS of BDSM), the power dynamic begins to shift.

At first, Romy resists, but over time, this resistance transforms into something else: she does not give in, she frees herself.

The director of BabygirlHalina Reijn, beautifully captured the role play between the two protagonists. The film cleverly integrates the concept of “safe words” (words or signals agreed in advance that clearly indicate the need to slow down, adjust or stop sexual practice) and consent. This ensures that practices are safe, chosen consciously (with full capacity to make a decision) and truly consented to by everyone involved.

This “safe, sane and consent” is a key principle in the BDSM world because it helps establish trust and clear boundaries, ensuring that everyone feels respected and comfortable.

Sexual awakening

As the film progresses, the intensity grows between the two partners. This allows Romy to gradually awaken to sexuality. The film challenges conventional wisdom about domination and submission, showing that being “told what to do” does not necessarily mean humiliation, but (for some) freedom.

This dynamic doesn’t sit well with everyone, but it’s not uncommon for people in high positions to adopt submission, sometimes even to the point of relinquishing control over their daily lives. For some, this can be a source ofempowerment (strengthening their agency). In Babygirlthis allows Romy to explore her fantasies for the first time, and to do so in a safe environment where she feels confident.

Research suggests that sexual compatibility and relationship happiness are key predictors of extramarital affairs, particularly among women. When Jacob discovers Romy’s affair, his world collapses. He must accept the fact that his wife not only abused his trust (she did not respect the terms of their monogamous relationship, without his consent), but that she also jeopardized their relationship, their family and may -even be his career.

To save her marriage, Romy explains to Jacob what excites her sexually. She feels guilty and ashamed.

This suppression of one’s sexual expression – deemed “abnormal” – reflects how societal and cultural norms shape our understanding of sexuality and relationships.

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Sexual scripts are the social and cultural norms that determine how we act, think, and feel in romantic and sexual situations. They tell us, for example, who should do what, when, where and why. Sometimes these scripts can influence us deeply and trigger shame, especially when our wants, likes, and dislikes deviate from what is considered “normal,” as is the case for Romy.

The type of shame Romy talks about is something I see often in my practice as a sex therapist. This is why I use an open, caring and positive approach to sexuality which particularly emphasizes inclusion, consent, pleasure and sexual education. This way, my patients can explore their sexuality without feeling ashamed, in a judgment-free space.

Babygirl provocatively explores relationships, blending disturbing themes with an immersion in the complexities of human sexual desire, orientations and expressions.