« J I have never had such a beautiful and strong orgasm like the one this morning; Every day it gets better and better. » At 70, Régine is in perfect love with her husband, Philippe, 64, and has never been so sexually fulfilled in her life. “We have practices without taboos and completely offbeat that we would never have dared when we were younger. We manage to completely let go and, with age, we know our bodies and manage to fully enjoy each other,” says the septuagenarian happily.
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Elderly sexuality is one of the most persistent taboos. In the collective imagination, seniors – those over 60 – would suddenly become asexual. However, sexual life does indeed extend to advanced, even very advanced, ages. “And it is diversifying,” says Dr Caroline Moreau, epidemiologist and co-responsible for the very recent Inserm survey, in partnership with the ANRS and Public Health France, on the sexual behavior of the French in 2023.
For the first time, the research organization measured the sexual activity of 60-89 year olds. This study shows that 60.8% of women and 79.3% of men aged 60 to 69 have had sexual intercourse in the last twelve months.
The same goes for 42.8% of women and 63.5% of men aged 70 to 79, as well as 10.9% of women and 39.5% of men aged 80 to 89. “Love has no age, neither does sexual pleasure,” reacts psychiatrist and sexologist Céline Candillier, also founder of Always Valentines, an association intended to support the love and sexual lives of seniors.
Intimacy, caresses, cuddles
“My happiness is linked to my sexual pleasure, it is essential for my mental health,” says Ghislaine, 66 years old. A former senior executive in the civil service, she is now single after marriage and a civil partnership. Sexually active, this Lyonnaise cannot imagine her life without it: “I feel happy thanks to it. The pleasure of being desired, of feeling alive…”
“At our age, our sexual relations are more like a pleasant walk than a sprint,” illustrates Ghislaine. Especially since, with partners who are not always brand new, we sometimes encounter some problems of rigidity… But as we have experience, we no longer expect performance and we adapt. »
With age, she and her partners deviate from the canons of classic sexuality, abandon penetration somewhat and indulge more in oral sex, caresses, or even include sex toys in their practices. “Even the best potter sometimes needs help to sculpt…”, says Ghislaine with a little laugh.
ALSO READ How to talk about masturbation within your relationship? Find partners of your age who want to build serious relationships… Your desire is not obvious after retirement, with social circles changing very little. This is also the case for Laurent*67 years old. A widower for four years after thirty-six years of marriage, he describes his sex life as “relatively calm”: “I have had some disappointments after meeting people on sites and I have not yet met a new partner for whom I I have feelings. »
In reality, Laurent's desire to experience this intimacy before and during sexual intercourse is a marker of sexuality between seniors. “At 20, we have a rapid sexual response cycle, while with age everything takes longer: desire, excitement, orgasm,” explains Dr. Céline Candellier. We are forced to adapt our practices, with more importance given to intimacy, with caresses, cuddles and less genitalia. I think, moreover, that the youngest could learn a lot from the sexuality of seniors. »
“As with society as a whole, seniors are part of a contemporary paradox of sexuality,” explains Caroline Moreau. If, between the last two Inserm surveys, their frequency of sexual intercourse has decreased – in 2023, women aged 60 to 69 living as a couple have had on average 3.3 sexual intercourses in the last four weeks, compared to 5 .2 in 2006, and, for men of the same age, this average increased from 5.7 in 2006 to 4.3 in 2023 – the register of sexual practices increased him considerably diversified.
“Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t”
The development of one's sexual life also changes with age and differs between men and women. Sexually active or not, “older women consider themselves more satisfied with their situation than men,” explains Caroline Moreau. Throughout the last twenty years, changes in representation have taken place within society to allow women to better flourish in their sexuality, and above all to choose it.
ALSO READ Why is the missionary position called that? The epidemiologist adds: “This difference in satisfaction between men and women is due to expectations for their sexuality: for women, it is very often associated with emotional and relational matters, while, for men, this satisfaction is rather linked to performance and the physical quality of the relationship. Sexual dysfunctions that affect men more [tels les troubles de l’érection, NDLR] could explain the more rapid decline in this satisfaction. » These dysfunctions can turn into real psychological suffering.
Laurent, who was operated on for prostate cancer a few years ago, is affected by this difficulty in having an erection. “It’s a frustration and it’s not easy to deal with. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, with or without a little blue pill. It's a mystery. You have to give time. » “It’s rare to talk about this subject,” underlines Céline Candillier. Some people get depressed because of it, even though you can have a fulfilling sex life without an erection. »
To fight against aging, make love
“And far too many people wrongly think that sexuality involves vaginal penetration,” protests Cédric*74 years old, single for several years. Not having and not looking for a partner, he approaches his sexuality via solitary pleasures, and “obviously” experiences pleasure.
“Young people often have no idea of the sexuality of a person who has passed the age of 65-70, whereas I know people who have one until they are over 90,” says Cédric. Afterwards, it is not a sexual relationship like one can have at 30, when one is in full force. »
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Kangaroo of the day
Answer
All the seniors interviewed have the same wish, as Régine summarizes: “That we talk more often about romantic and sexual relationships between older people, to say that at any age we can have or resume a sexual life. » “And to fight against aging, you have to make love,” Ghislaine slips in a final burst of laughter.
* The first names have been changed at the request of the interested parties.
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