Inspiring serenity and generosity in the face of death

When death takes over young people, a question screams in our heads: “Why him? He was in the prime of his life…”

We all hear this question, but it has no answer, because we don’t know when or how our own end will come. A biologist compared human existence to a walk on a field where it is raining bricks, and the probability of being killed by one of them is present at any age.

I would add to this already fatalistic image that as we age, these bricks seem to gain volume while our body expands. Also, the probability of receiving a ton on the chives increases.

If growing old gives many of us the jitters, dying too early has always provoked a feeling of great existential injustice.

This is what happened to François Desrochers, whose departure I welcome in this text. In fact, François was doomed by the diagnosis and rapid progression of a neurodegenerative disease. Seeing his condition deteriorate dramatically and irreversibly, with the support of his family, he chose to bow out by using medical assistance in dying.

Allow me to thank here Véronique Hivon, whose commitment to the service of the common good has given Quebec this progressive disposition which allows you to freely choose to leave when you only have a life of bedridden suffering as your only perspective.

François was a business president and an athlete who ran half-marathons. Then, in 2021, believing his respiratory system was attacked by COVID-19, he went to the hospital. No trace of coronavirus. Instead, he was diagnosed with a debilitating neurodegenerative condition, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, or ALS.

I don’t want to go into detail about the symptoms of this horrible illness or François’ state of health when we met, because it was above all the serenity of this guy in the face of death that deeply touched me.

It was Geneviève Desrochers, his big sister, who approached me to meet François. My mission? Go ring his house, four days before his departure, to give him a passport for the big trip. In this printed document, his family had shared with him anecdotes, poems on the meaning of life, but also quotes from Nelson Mandela and Churchill, two humans he particularly appreciated.

The text also contained many humorous passages and photos, because François loved to laugh and make people laugh. After the delivery, I had to stay a few minutes with him and his partner, Johanne. I ended up spending a long time with them which did me a lot of good.

I don’t know the life that François led, but I discovered a man who maintained a true connection with nature, a skeptic who moved in peace towards the end, aware that the Earth is a great recycling center where death and life mutually support each other.

Death is the eldest, life the youngest; we humans are wrong to oppose death to life, my grandfather said.

This is why I like the expression “taking your last breath”. I almost see a certain complementarity in the fact that nature takes the last breath of the person who leaves to make it the first of the baby who arrives.

Let us add that after the last breath as before the first, no one is aware of what is happening. In other words, life is a race where nature has erased the entry and exit from our consciousness.

François and I shared perspectives on the consciousness of death which squats the large brain of Sapiens and generates human anguish in the face of this inevitable finitude.

The only time I felt him shaken by his choice was when we talked about guilt. You know, that feeling that those who are called have in front of their family that they are preparing to leave in mourning and emotional pain. When we broached the subject, his wife, shaken, took him in her arms and told me that it was the only problem that really bothered him in his choice.

However, calm quickly returned and we talked about ecology, the environment, Darwin and evolution with joy.

A few days before his departure, François was still teasing death with humor. He made me laugh a lot when he said that he had chosen Friday, November 8 to leave, but that in the event of the election of Donald Trump, he was thinking of asking his doctor to bring forward his departure by a few days.

Humor offers us ways to sublimate the human condition and perhaps even to experience death gently before the big departure.

Indeed, a deep burst of laughter can cause a loss of breath and a brief loss of contact with reality, similar to a minor death. This way of dying of laughter is good therapy for physical and mental health.

I wish us to have the serenity of François who, four days before his scheduled death, laughed and still made people laugh. Not only serenity, but also generosity, because Francis is not completely gone. He allowed others to extend their adventure in the biosphere by donating his still functional organs before bowing out. If you have not yet signed your organ donation card, know that this very noble altruistic gesture is within your reach.

To finish: “François, as you promised to send me a message to tell me exactly what is happening on the other side, I am announcing to you here that I have enough space in my iCloud to receive photos and videos from this Heaven. If the skeptic and progressive in you discovers unpleasant surprises lying to the left, please warn me so that I can get back on the right path and improve my post-mortem fate. In the meantime, I thank you for the inspiring meeting and I reiterate my condolences to all your family and friends. »