Gophering is a toxic love practice that has similarities to ghosting, with a few nuances.
For the victim, this method turns out to be brutal and sometimes traumatic.
Common on dating applications, this behavior must question people who are interested in it.
Perhaps you have already experienced gophering in your love journey. According to the Canadian dating app’s 2022 annual report Plenty of Fish52% of users of dating applications are victims of this practice. Professional emergency, last minute service to be rendered to a friend, car breakdown… Any excuse is good for not going to your date. But why do some people give up on honoring their date despite an engaging virtual conversation?
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Gophering, the art of “failing”
This love trend consists of canceling a date at the very last moment, citing an impediment. The person who engages in this type of practice is rampant on the applications on which he registers with the aim of meeting people. She starts a virtual chat with a partner and arranges a meeting. But when it was time to go there, she preferred to cancel.
Generally, this cancellation puts an end to the exchange of messages, but it sometimes happens that the person does it again by experimenting with gophering several times. She reschedules one or more other dates without ever honoring them.
Why do some people prefer to cancel their appointment?
Stacey Diane Arañez Litam, professional clinical advisor, explains in the columns of Forbesthat gophering hides the fear of rejection. This is a way of protecting yourself. Rather than showing vulnerability by engaging in a conversation about their wants, needs, desires and limits, the person prefers to give up. She doesn’t want to take the risk that the date goes badly, with a lack of feeling for example.
For the specialist, gophering must also be considered as a way of flattering one’s ego. Thanks to dating applications, it is possible to strengthen your power of seduction by securing “dates”. This opinion is shared by Alix Fox, relationship specialist and script consultant for the series “Sex Education” on Netflix. As relayed Ellethe expert considers that it is a way of boosting one’s ego by seeing that the person opposite is ready to accept a date proposal.
If you can’t make the leap to real dating and going beyond the virtual world, it’s essential to ask yourself why you joined the dating app. For people who are victims of gophering, this practice is far from harmless. Hurtful, it can raise questions and lead to a loss of confidence, especially if it occurs regularly.
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