“My mother didn’t want to end up like a vegetable in a nursing home”, how Antoine accompanied her to her death in Switzerland

While the text on the right to die with dignity must be examined again in the National Assembly from January 27, 2025, Antoine decides to testify. He accompanied his mother suffering from neurodegenerative diseases to resort to assisted suicide in Switzerland.

At the end of July 2023, Françoise, a resident of Côte-d'Or, learned of the diagnosis. She suffers from two incurable neurodegenerative diseases, including Alzheimer's. Aged 84, she announced it to her two children and the next day, she asked her son to “accompany him to leave“. “I acted like I didn't hearconfides Antoine, his son. And the next day, she told me again that she wanted to go to Switzerland.“Antoine doesn’t need time to think, and tells his mother that he will help her carry out her project.

Françoise was a doctor. She knew perfectly well how the pathologies she suffered from would evolve. “She didn't want to end up like my father, a vegetable in a nursing home, who died six years ago. She also lost two of her best friends to the same illnesses. She didn't want to experience this“, remembers Antoine. Françoise knew what she did not want, but also what she wanted: assisted suicide in Switzerland, in Zurich thanks to the Dignitas association. As a doctor, she did not want euthanasia, specifies his son.

If Françoise's daughter was rather against the idea, Antoine decided to accompany his mother in her last wish. A leap into the void. In August, she began writing letters proving her state of health. Once the file is deemed admissible, the process continues for many months. On February 20, he was offered a date: March 13, 2024.It's been a long time since a piece of news gave me this much pleasure.“, she confides to her son. Since the diagnosis, the disease has already progressed. “Mom deteriorated quickly. There were people she didn't recognize, she lost her balance… but the speech therapist and the physiotherapist stimulated her so that she didn't slip too quickly. She also put all her attention on her plan to go to Switzerland“, remembers Antoine.

Between mother and son, there is no taboo. All topics are covered, everything is prepared. One last photo taken, she records the pieces she plays on the piano which will be broadcast during the funeral, nothing is left to chance. “With mom, we were the same“, he says, his throat tight. During these last months, Antoine accompanies his mother to all her medical appointments, organizes her care at home with the visit of a nurse and a care assistant, the meal delivery…”It was full time, I was very busy. But that's what helped me keep going. It was my escape“, explains Antoine. However, nothing had changed between them.

We continued to enjoy life as we did before, without excess, without doing more.

Jérôme, son of Françoise

During the last months of Françoise's life, Antoine encouraged his sister to come and see his mother more regularly. The day before the big departure, Françoise said to her son “84 years old is a good age. I had a great life, a great career“, as if to look in the rearview mirror one last time. On the big day, the two children accompanied their mother until her last breath. Even if her daughter was not for it, she made the trip to Switzerland. “I couldn't have gone alone anyway“, insists Antoine.

The family returns to the apartment where Françoise is going to leave, accompanied by two people from the association. Five minutes before entering the home, Françoise looks at her daughter and asks her, “Are you with me?“, seeking her approval, as if to leave in peace. She will remain unanswered.

Françoise's children did not want to see her die, simply to accompany her until she fell asleep. Which they did. The woman drinkshis little glass” and is very descriptive with her children about how she feels.

For several days, I had been looking for the last thing I could say to him. Impossible.

Jérôme, son of Françoise

Then his eyes close. The children then leave the apartment. One last look at their calm mother and the door closes. After 20 minutes of traveling to their home, the phone rings. On the line, the two women from the association. It's over. Françoise's heart stopped.

If Françoise had to go to Switzerland to die with dignity, it is because in France, assisted suicide is not authorized. As soon as she learned of the famous date of her death, the 84-year-old lady wrote to the President of the Republic. A letter with the subject: an end of life with dignity. In this letter, she explains the diagnosis and emphasizes knowing the evolution of her pathology, having lost her husband and two close friends. “I saw them deteriorate day after day and take too long to leave, without any apparent memory or consciousness.”we can read.

Today, I wish to die with dignity. Unfortunately, this choice is not possible in France and I am forced to turn to a neighboring country.

Françoise, in a letter to the President of the Republic

It also sets out the administrative difficulties encountered and the stress caused. “I hope that finally, in France, we can die with dignity“, she punctuates.

Antoine confides that waiting for a response to arrive kept his mother going every day. An answer that Françoise will never see. And so much the better, because judged “off-topic” by his son. He wants to make one thing clear: to see the project through to the end, it takes courage, and only 20% of cases are successful. He also emphasizes that the cost is close to that of a “classic funeral”, and the Medical transport to Switzerland represents the main cost. From memory, Antoine estimates having spent between 3,000 and 4,000 euros.

Antoine does not regret having made his mother's choice possible. Perhaps he would have liked to be accompanied by someone who had already experienced this obstacle course. But he was able to find support from the France Alzheimer association, which he thanks and in which he wishes to invest.

Anyone who writes books on architecture considers writing one on the end of life. Now that her sister has experienced all this, she is for assisted suicide and suggested that together they write this book. “As long as we haven't experienced it, it's difficult to position ourselves“, he assures. Like his mother, he hopes that this project of the right to die with dignity will move in France and that we will be able to have access to assisted suicide if we wish. “We told no one about this project, for fear that someone would oppose it. We feel like we have to hide“, he punctuates.