Défragmenté.es, the association that helps victims of violence reveal what they have suffered

This summer, a new association was created in the North. Because they are not always taken seriously by their loved ones, Défragmenté.es offers victims of sexist and sexual violence (SSWV) support in revealing what they have suffered.

“Silence is violence, but speaking is a test.“, on the Défragmenté.es website the tone is set. This new association, currently based in Lille but with national ambitions, offers unprecedented assistance for victims of sexist and sexual violence (VSS).

The association offers to support them in revealing the violence they have suffered to those around them. This moment that Défragmenté.es does not hesitate to call “of test“, can turn into a real double punishment for some victims when their family or friends do not take this revelation seriously. This is why she offers them personalized support which takes the form of a booklet co-written with a therapist or a practitioner specializing in VSS which will then be distributed to their loved ones.

Although the project has been maturing since January, the association took advantage of the summer to complete its final adjustments. In search of funding to launch its first support, it hopes to be able to launch its activity as early as November. To better understand the ambitions of Défragmenté.es, we spoke with Sarah Merlo, a sophrologist in Roubaix and coordinator of the association.

How did the Défragmenté.es initiative come about?

Sarah Merlo (SM) : “Defragmented is a collective idea, born from the convergence of several things. I am a therapist and sociologist. In my practice, I support people who are victims of VSS. With several practitioners, we noticed that what hurt were the reactions of families following the revelation of the violence suffered. We said to ourselves that there was perhaps something to do about it.

With several practitioners we noticed that what hurt were the reactions of the families following the revelation of the violence suffered.

Sarah Merlo

Sophrologist and member of Défragmenté.es

Our support involves writing a booklet that will include the victim’s experience. It is made up of four main parts. First, we will explain the object of the violence. Then, we will focus on the aggressor, before focusing on the victim. Finally, we will include the entourage. In this last part, we will, for example, describe the possibilities of reaction, the possible roles that they can play.

For example, we have in the association a medical intern, who has met a lot of victims of VSS. On the board of directors, we also have a person who is a feminist activist. She has a fairly extensive knowledge of feminist concepts and ideas that encompass systemic violence..”

How is support provided to victims?

SM : “To do this, we rely on psychoeducation, we detail concepts such as the aggressor’s strategy or rape culture, which brings together all the stereotypes, myths and/or preconceived ideas about rape. For example, one of the preconceived ideas about victims is that they are liars. While we know that statistically, there are about 2% of false allegations.

All these concepts, and many others, are things to explain in the booklet to anticipate reactions from those around them like “no, I don’t believe you”. The idea is also for them to become aware of the impact of VSS on the victim. For example, she can potentially develop psycho trauma. This refers to all the disorders developed after experiencing sexual violence, such as eating disorders (ED).

We have a lot of resources at our disposal, but when a victim seizes them, they often distance themselves. We want to create a connection, tell them that they are part of this system. That in an equation of violence, there is an aggressor, a victim and everything that revolves around it (the family, society). The writing of this booklet will be the result of listening and transcription work with the victim. It is a service that will be free. This is why we have launched a crowdfunding campaign.“

Victims have been speaking out since MeToo, but is society ready to listen to them?

SM : “Since MeToo, there has been this desire to talk. The problem is that there was no one to listen to them. Society is still in denial of sexual violence. The denial that the aggressor can be Mr. “Everyman”.

For example, with the Pélicot trial, there are some really interesting things happening. There is a kind of electroshock, that Mr. “Everyman” is capable of doing that. With all the photos and videos that accompany the media coverage of the trial, there is no way of saying that she lied. So there is a confrontation that is brutal, that of saying to oneself that potentially the aggressor could be my neighbor..

People are ready to talk, but we need to give them all the tools. With Défragmenté.es we can’t promise that the revelation will go well, but we will give all the tools to victims so that those around them understand that it is systemic and that it is not just a personal story.

We will provide all the elements so that their families understand, but we will prepare them for the possibility that things go badly. The moment of revelation is something complicated for the victim, a point of very strong tension, the result of a very important maturation period. We will try to support them to help them get through this ordeal..”

If you would like to get in touch with the association, you can visit its website right hereor contact her by email at the following address: [email protected].