‘More than my father, it was my mother who had a tough time with it’: When Zakir Hussain and wife Antonia Minnecola overcame all odds to be together | Feelings News

They revealed that they tied the knot eight years after they met each other. But, despite being together for so long, their families weren’t too happy about the decision as Hussain was an Indian Muslim and Minnecola, an Italian-American. “My father had passed away and my mother was wanting us to get married. But she thought that India was too many worlds away,” recalled Minnecola.

Hussain added, “In India, it’s a little difficult to convince, at least at that time, your parents to be able to accept your choice… and who you have chosen is supposed to be your mate. And in my family, it was the first mixed marriage. So, more than my father, it was my mother who had a tough time with it… and it was very difficult for her being a devout Muslim.”

When asked if they told her about the relationship, he said, “We did not tell her until I was already married but my father was there. He married us off in the Muslim ceremony. But in the civil ceremony, which was the first one, no one was there. We just went there and did it one day.”

While their journey to matrimony was marked by resistance from both sides of the family, Hussain’s determination and Minnecola’s eventual embrace of their love paved the way for a union that stood the test of time.

But what are some of the psychological and emotional challenges couples face when their families disapprove of their relationship due to cultural differences?

Gurleen Baruah, existential psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, tells indianexpress.com, “When families initially disapprove of a relationship due to cultural differencescouples often face a deep sense of disappointment and psychological distress. This rejection can feel like a loss of autonomy and agency, particularly in collectivist societies like India, where familial approval is deeply tied to identity and life decisions. The disapproval can create an emotional tug-of-war between individual desires and familial expectations, leaving couples feeling torn and conflicted.”

“In India, it’s a little difficult to convince, at least at that time, your parents to be able to accept your choice,” said Zakir Hussain. (Source: Express Archives)

For many, she mentions a profound guilt for pursuing personal happiness at the potential expense of family harmony, which can erode self-confidence and create a lingering sense of inadequacy or betrayal.

“In Indian society, where relationships are often seen as alliances between families rather than just two individuals, such disapproval also carries the weight of societal judgment. Couples may feel isolated, as the lack of acceptance might limit their ability to share their relationship openly, further amplifying feelings of alienation,” she adds.

Balancing the desire to honour family traditions with the need to make independent choices

Baruah states, “Balancing the desire to honor family traditions with the need for independence is a delicate act that requires self-respect, respect for others, and a deep clarity about what truly matters. The right balance lies in recognising that honouring your happiness doesn’t have to mean rejecting your family’s values. It involves open, assertive, and mature conversations where you share your perspective honestly while genuinely listening to theirs.”

Communicate that making independent choices — such as whom to marry or how to live your life — doesn’t diminish your respect or trust in the family. Instead, it strengthens the relationship by building it on mutual understanding rather than blind compliance. “Show your family that your decisions come from a place of thoughtfulness, not rebellion, and emphasise that respecting their traditions and pursuing your happiness can coexist. This approach fosters a harmony where both personal freedom and family bonds are valued,” she adds.