He’s a Grammy-nominated producer, TikTok sensation and doting boyfriend to one of the biggest stars in the world.
But Benny Blanco — who’s been dating Selena Gomez since 2023 — has no airs about him. Growing up in Virginia, “I always felt pretty confident,” says Blanco, 36, who’s produced hits for Ed Sheeran and Lana Del Rey. “My mom was like, ‘You’re the best,’ and my brother was always so sweet to me. He always paved the way, always made sure people were nice to me. He is a sweetie.”
His family still keeps him grounded, and with his self-deprecating humor and flair for fashion (“I love a heel!”), Blanco is happily redefining masculinity while embracing chivalry.
When it comes to matters of the heart, there should be “no games,” he insists. “I [still] go all out for every date. It doesn’t mean spending your entire bank account. It means being attentive and listening.”
Blanco loves gathering loved ones for themed dinner parties at his Los Angeles-area home (keep reading for his best hosting tips!), and he can often be found in the kitchen whipping up his girlfriend’s favorite foods (homemade Taco Bell and deep-fried pickles, to name a few).
Despite his massive success, it’s the “simple” things Blanco savors most.
“I’m a real morning person. It’s my favorite time to spend with Sel, because we both wake up really early. It’s like our moment before the rest of the world wakes up,” he says. “I have a true best friend that I get to do everything in the world with, and every day is the best day of my life.”
Ssam Kim
1. Learn How to Cook
Even if you’re terrible at cooking, [your partner will] like it because you did it. Ask your partner what they want to eat. Don’t try to cook them what you want to eat. If you don’t know how to cook it — learn it.
If you don’t know how to learn it, get it from Postmates and put it on a plate and pretend you cooked it. No, lying is bad! We never lie. Especially if you’re a guy, we’re disgusting. No one should even look at us. Try to be chivalrous: Tell her how pretty she is. Chivalry’s not dead.
[I learned how to] recreate Taco Bell meat. I’ve practiced a lot, and I think it’s pretty indistinguishable now if you put them side by side. There’s so many things you have to do. Part of the meat is kind of blended. It’s disgusting, but it’s delicious. I do it all from scratch.
2. First Dates Should Be Experiences
Whatever the date is, you want your partner to leave and be like, “Oh my God, I’m calling all my friends. This was the craziest thing. We were on the back of a tractor trailer flying and he had me spinning out the…” It’s got to be something insane because you want to leave an impression. The person’s going to be going out on a bunch of first dates, and you got to secure your spot.
I try to create a moment in time because everyone’s f—ing busy, everyone has so much work to do, everyone’s so stressed. If we can just sit back and forget everything for an hour to four hours — if it’s a good date, five — then things are good. Don’t you leave a date sometimes and you’re like, “Oh my God, what the hell? Time flew!”
I go all out for every date. We go all out for each other. One time Sel was like, “Oh, I want to take you on a date.” We drove somewhere and she had rented out a whole botanical garden for me. She also likes something so simple. For Valentine’s Day, I got her Taco Bell, I made her movie-theater nachos, I found her favorite pickles from Texas and I deep-fried them for her. Then [I had] all her candies and Hot Cheetos.
It doesn’t mean spending your entire bank account. The No. 1 thing you need to do on a date is just listen to what the person’s saying. Don’t talk about yourself the whole time. No one cares.
Ssam Kim
3. Dress with Confidence
If you’re wearing the most expensive thing that just came out, you’re not fashionable. You’re just a person who happens to spend their money. To me, it’s all about high-low. I might wear a really nice vintage Prada jacket with a thing I found at Melrose Trading Post for $10.
I think the best thing is mixing it and being yourself. If you’re yourself in your clothes, you’re going to feel more confident. For me, I like to wear a lot of vintage clothing. Some people look good with really fresh clothing. Find your lane and rock it. Don’t try to be someone else.
The last thrift find I’m really proud of is this little pink Dora the Explorer jacket. It’s so cute. It’s a cropped, pink jacket — I think it’s for a child — and I love it. It makes me feel sexy.
I love sharing clothes [with my partner]. It’s interchangeable. Well, except some of the gowns and stuff. They’re so hard to get on and off. I wouldn’t even do it. But I wouldn’t mind wearing a dress if it was a nice one. I do have a lot of heels. I love a heel. Women’s shoes are so good. Gentlemen wear women’s heels. I don’t know — this gentleman does.
4. Self-Care Is a Must
Don’t stink. Do all the stuff. I really think it’s important to have good skin. I have a facialist and she changed my life. I do whatever she says. Her name is Lindsay and she works at Artisan of Skin. Wow, I just plugged her: Can I have a discount?
I also don’t believe in always shampooing your hair or conditioning your hair. I’m really clean, but I don’t shower every day. Some people I know shower two to three times a day, but I feel like the oils on your skin don’t have time to rejuvenate and get juicy.
I like to use a hodgepodge. I want to smell [like] tobacco, but also like cotton candy. I want there to be an aroma as I’m walking by. I want it to smell a little bit like man, a little bit feminine — I definitely lean a little more feminine in every sense.
Ssam Kim
5. Welcome Everyone into Your Home (within Reason)
I love [to host]. It’s so fun. I love being hosted. [For a] dinner party, you want to invite people that don’t necessarily all know each other. You want some people to co-mingle, some people to meet that shouldn’t meet.
I like to mix friend groups. I want someone who writes songs sitting next to an 80-year-old florist. I think age is nothing but a number. I want a 3 year old sitting next to a scientist and just hear what they’re talking about because I know it’s going to be some crazy s—.
You want to think of a really broad menu that’s something that everyone’s going to like. Usually I’ll make a group thread and I’ll be like, “Hey, what’s everyone feeling? Let’s do it.” We do themes and everyone will cook the theme. You want the right drinks. You want the right music.
I want to create a little world. One of my friends is an amazing Vietnamese cook. We’ll do a dinner party here and lay out little wood baskets and banana leaves on the ground. Everyone wants to just escape to a new f—ing place.
6. Treat Your Mother Like a Queen
My mom’s my best friend. Every Sunday we go to the farmer’s market. I cook her lunch, we swim, we gossip about stuff. She sends me things and is like, “Do you think it’s true?” I’m like, “I don’t even know who these two people are we’re talking about.”
My mom loves flowers. For Mother’s Day, I get her the same thing every year: I get her a new orchid. She’s so good at taking care of them that before she moved to L.A., she had a room with just like 25 of them because I would give them to her every year and she would keep them and they would never die.
Ssam Kim
7. Gift Giving Is an Art
Don’t buy a gift that everyone else is going to buy. To me, the best way to do it is get creative, to listen to something they said in the past and bring that back as a memory.
Most of my gifts are handmade. Let’s say you had the best night at Six Flags and it was your first date. Keep that ticket and then frame it and give it to them on their birthday and be like, “Oh, this was our first date.” Simple little gestures go a long way.
The first time me and Sel were really going to be long distance for a while, she made a bear that when I pressed its hand, it said, “I miss you so much. You’re going to be okay. I’ll see you when I get back.” She’s very good at gifting. She does the same thing as me: Most of our gifts, we make them for each other.
8. Say No to Ghosting
Totally ghosting someone — I’ve never done that. You have to be demonic to fully ghost someone. Ghosting is mean! A gentleman should not.
I completely understand if you go out on a date and the guy’s being totally creepy — you should totally ghost the f— out of him. But I don’t want to ghost anyone. I always think whenever I’m doing anything like that, I’ll think about my mom and I’ll say like, “Oh, I want to treat this person like I would treat my mom and how I’d want someone to treat my mom.”
