“When we talk about fathers and marital separation, we can have all kinds of images in mind. What the survey shows us is that these images are probably a little outdated or stereotypical,” explains Raymond Villeneuve, general director of the Regroupement pour la valorization de la paternity (RVP).
This group commissioned a Léger survey on separated fathers to “think intelligently” about the “delicate” subject of separation, explains Mr. Villeneuve.
The survey was carried out among 574 fathers who had experienced a separation in the last ten years. There is no equivalent survey of mothers to compare the data.
The main concern of three in four fathers during a separation is the well-being of the children, the analysis reveals. “Deep down, fathers care about their children,” assures the general director of the RVP.
According to respondents, 56% of fathers have shared custody and 11% sole custody.
The quantity of time spent with the children (73%), the stability of the children’s routine (73%) and the quality of their relationship with the children (72%) are the three priorities that sit on the list of dads’ concerns when of a separation, the survey indicates.
No more “the end of the world”
Another “prejudice” denied by the survey is the conflict during separations, maintains Raymond Villeneuve.
According to data collected from fathers, 70% of separations go “well” or “fairly well”.
“That’s not necessarily the image we have. Yes, it’s a shock, yes it’s difficult, but in two thirds of cases, the fathers manage to get through it,” insists the general director of the group.
In addition, the “social meaning” of a breakup between parents is no longer the same as before, believes Mr. Villeneuve.
“When I was in high school, and there was a young person among us whose parents were separating, for everyone it was like the end of the world,” recounts the 61-year-old man.
“It was a big shock because it was almost unthinkable. Now, we are no longer in that paradigm.”
— Raymond Villeneuve, general director of the Regroupement pour la promotion de la paternity (RVP)
Today, 40% of parents of children aged 0 to 17 separate, reveals the Léger survey.
Parental couple, marital couple
While only 20 to 35% of separations are considered “conflictual”, 41% of fathers surveyed still say they do not “trust” the other parent.
Raymond Villeneuve does not know the reasons which explain this discrepancy. “It would be interesting to dig into that and see why they don’t trust [à l’autre parent] and what does that mean.”
The representative nevertheless underlines the distinction between the “marital” couple and the “parental” couple.
“It’s important because when we’re together, the two couples blend together. [Si] It ends badly for the marital couple, perhaps it will leave its mark on the parental couple.”
— Raymond Villeneuve
“It’s not just parents who separate, it’s also former lovers,” recalls Mr. Villeneuve. For the sake of the children, we must try to separate the two types of couple, he says.
The burst poll
- 64% of respondents believe that the judicial system is not well adapted to the realities and needs of fathers.
- 47% of fathers interviewed say that their relationship with the children has improved beyond the separation, 36% say that it was maintained and 17% indicate that it has deteriorated.
- Spouses are more often the ones to make the official announcement of the separation.
- They are more often the ones who request and obtain custody of the children.
- Fathers leave the family home more often.
