Carried away by cancer, Clémentine Vergnaud also testified to the mental burden linked to her illness

TESTIMONY – On December 23, Clémentine Vergnaud died at the age of 31. For 18 months, this journalist from franceinfo fought against cholangiocarcinoma, a rare and very aggressive cancer of the bile ducts, which only affects one in 50,000 people, generally older men.

Clémentine Vergnaud decided to tell this fight against illness in a podcast, My life facing cancer. Over the course of sixteen episodes, she shared her journey through the illness, from diagnosis to stopping treatment, which she welcomed with “a great relief”according to her husband Grégoire Lecalot. My life facing cancer was ” the opportunity to leave a mark, my mark, for me, but also for others”explained Clémentine Vergnaud in June 2023 on the set of C to you.

This honest and poignant story has now been adapted into a book, Clementine’s diary (ed. du Seuil). Like the podcast, it details all aspects of his daily life as a young cancer patient: from his relationships with the medical profession to his doubts, then his hopes, following the encouraging results of a new experimental therapy. The young woman also testifies to her fear of death and the loneliness she could feel in the face of “little girls” of her age who carelessly continue their lives while hers was confined to the four walls of the hospital where she received her treatment.

Managing your cancer, “a sick job”

If these big existential questions punctuate this story, Clémentine Vergnaud does not forget to mention the more down to earth aspects of her illness, such as the mental load that it generated for her. In an episode of the podcast and a chapter of the book both titled “A sick job”the young woman talks about the weight that managing her cancer weighs on her daily life.

She recounts her first meeting with “the announcement nurse” at the Paul-Brousse hospital, where she is being monitored. “She is the one who is supposed to take care of you, explain to you how the treatment will go”she writes. This meeting was a shock for Clémentine. “For almost three quarters of an hour, she didn’t stop talking and telling me what I should do and not do: not drink turmeric, green tea and… grapefruit (I forget always this one). » She is also full of advice for taking care of her weakened skin, details on the progress of chemotherapy sessions, recommendations concerning blood tests, appointments with the oncologist, etc. “In short, a sick job!” I couldn’t do it anymore.”confides Clémentine Vergnaud. To succeed in remembering everything, she explains having done “a practical sheet” about his cancer and chemo and bought a special calendar.

An administrative and financial mental burden

This mental load is accompanied by a dive into the twists and turns of the French administration. To have her illness recognized by Social Security, Clémentine says she had to kill a “enormous administrative work” which stresses and exhausts her. Because of a “computer bug on his file”payment of daily allowances is not automatic. “Every two weeks, I have to connect to my Ameli space and write a message asking that they pay me the money to which I am entitled (…) So you have a financial mental burden which is added because, in the meantime, we must be careful not to be overdrawn. »

These difficulties put the young woman “out of it”she who should “dedicate your time to getting better” rather than having to “manage an incredible bureaucracy”. It’s all the more difficult as she comes up against it in every exchange with the administration, like when she requests domestic help. “I’m not asking for the moon. I think I would need eight hours a month and Social Security gives me fifteen hours, but that’s all. » To be entitled to more hours, Health Insurance explains to him that“you should be even sicker”that his condition worsens. “I don’t understand why someone would put the patient through this. This is an unthinkable form of violence.”she laments.

Despite these difficulties, which add to the shadow that the illness has cast on her future, Clémentine Vergnaud explains, at the end of her book and her podcast, that she is surprisingly more “playful” than she was before she was diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma. “I also think that the illness has given me back a part of the joy of living, because we still had a lot of laughs during all these ordeals. And then it made me want to give to others, particularly through my testimony. » And to conclude: “It was really, I believe, the experience to be had in this illness. The experience of a lifetime. »

Clémentine Vergnaud, Clementine’s diaryed. du Seuil, 178 pages.

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