It’s paradoxical. As many people say “that’s how I am!” » to justify their faults without trying to improve gets on my nerves, as I can no longer stand our incessant quest for optimization.
Posted at 4:30 p.m.
Is there a happy medium between “giving up and embracing our worst failings” and “subscribing to all currents of personal growth in the hope of becoming a true ray of sunshine”? And, if so, how the hell do you find it?
“Seeking to improve is very good, but there is improvement and “improvement”, believes the Dre Celine Lamy. Who do we want to improve on? And for whose gaze? »
The child psychiatrist, author of the essay The drama of perfect children – For a permaculture of childhood (Workshop 10), believes that our thirst for excellence is imposed on us long before we can achieve it.
“We are immersed in optimization from the cradle. Pregnancy is optimized, as is childbirth. Then, as parents, we want to optimize everything. The game must be educational, so that children learn very quickly to walk without falling…”
On the one hand, there is a society that very little encourages letting go. On the other hand, there are trends that lead us to believe that we don’t have much to improve.
The Dre Céline Lamy continues: “In “positive benevolence” type education, parents sometimes think that they must adapt their environment for their little one in such a way that children can believe “I am extremely hot as I am”. When it comes to relationships with peers, as they get older, they realize that they are not as perfect as they thought! You can resist for a long time and arrive at 30-40 years old to say to yourself: “Phew… I need to work on some things, eh?” »
So ! “I am like that and that’s all” is not a valid argument when our faults negatively influence those around us. However, we don’t have to succumb to all the initiatives that encourage us to become the best version of ourselves at the start of the year…
PHOTO MARIE-HÉLÈNE GILBERT-LAMBERT, PROVIDED BY CÉLINE LAMY
The Dre Celine Lamy
“What bothers me is the question of “best”, reflects the Dre Lamy. It’s a very neoliberal term. When do we decide that the version of ourselves is the one where we stop? Is this an acceptable version that makes us feel good without it being to the detriment of others? The most balanced version of yourself, perhaps? I find that it requires reflection and I am uncomfortable when coaches tell us “be at your 10/10!”… If the version of myself that makes me the most comfortable, it is the one at 7 /10, then that’s very good. »
Let’s talk about guides! This is another of my paradoxes: I am very permeable to the culture of performance, but I look down on books on personal growth. In fact, I looked down on them. It’s just the test Why don’t I write (Triptych) made me think a lot…
In this work which skilfully combines the intimate and the theoretical, the doctoral student in art history Benoit Jodoin offers a reflection on the culture of poverty. Also coming from a very modest background, I understood when reading it that I had adopted a posture which resembles a certain rejection of my origins.
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, ARCHIVES LA PRESSE
Benoit Jodoin, doctoral student in art history and author
Benoit Jodoin writes about personal growth books: “Although ridiculed by the intellectual elite, they are nevertheless popular in the environment in which I grew up, probably because gloating about the state of the world with folded arms, as I associate it with great literature, is a bourgeois sport that has little use for those seeking a more comfortable and inclusive life. »
According to him, this literary genre uses benevolence towards the readership. An absolutely deserved kindness that we nevertheless make fun of…
“I can’t get rid of an idea, almost conspiratorial, he adds: perhaps personal growth books are despised because they mobilize both the sensitive and the action, duo of formidable efficiency […]. Deep down, perhaps they are feared, because they encourage a voiceless public to sit down and think, to seek redress for the injustices suffered and to take their rightful place. These books disturb literature because they extend its marvelous observations into ways of doing things. »
Bam, in my teeth!
And I have to point out the hypocrisy: I make fun of people who seek advice in personal growth books, but I have absolutely no problem seeking it regularly from the people I interview.
For example, I obviously asked the Dre Céline Lamy how to know if you are trying to improve for the right reasons or not…
She told me to go back to what we were before “neoliberalism took over us”. Do you remember when you were 6, 7 or 8? “This child, what were his potentials, his riches and his desires? asks the child psychiatrist. Does this child look at me today and say “I recognize myself” or “I don’t talk to strangers”? »
She has a sense of the formula.
The big question now: should we abandon our resolutions for 2025?
Maybe ! It’s up to you (and the child you once were) to see. If you do, remember that wanting to stop improving is also a form of improvement, according to Dre Lamy. “It’s a paradigm shift!” I’m not saying not to improve, but to stay consistent with your values. Improving yourself just to shine on the outside, or even disguising yourself, leads to exhaustion… The burnout of an achievement that is not ours. It is better to aim for an improvement linked to the meaning you want to give to your life rather than what you think you should do. »
If Céline Lamy one day decides to publish a personal growth book, I will be the first to buy it…
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