“Alcoholism is more serious than an illness, it is like a psychological disability”

“I stopped drinking alcohol on March 26, 1995, it was a Sunday. But first, I will explain to you why I started drinking. Before knowing why and how to stop, you must first understand why we started to avoid getting to this point”, underlines Philippe, 68 years old.

Alcohol: “given my personal circumstances, it was a plunge into dependence”

After graduating from university and serving in the military in the late 1970s, Philippe began looking for work. But this quest was stopped at the age of 26 by the onset of hodophobia. This is an intense, irrational fear of traveling and moving away from home. “At the beginning, I was afraid to go as far as Marseille, then it was as far as Dijon, then it was as far as Nancy. After four years of psychological degradation, I found myself locked up in a radius about 20 kilometers around my house.”

It was then that Philippe decided to consult a neuropsychiatrist. The latter prescribed neuroleptics for him. “It was a huge stupidity knowing what happened afterwards. You see neuroleptics have an unfortunate effect. They can act on sexuality. And that was the case for me.” He adds: “My hodophobia was still there. But as a bonus, I suffered from anorgasmia and almost impotence. I’ll let you imagine the psychological consequences.”

Faced with the persistence of adverse effects after stopping the treatment, Philippe decided to consult a psychiatrist to talk about his psychological and sexual problems. She offered him homeopathic medicines, but for fear of encountering new complications, he did not dare to take them. “After a year of counseling, she told me, you should smoke a little and drink a little to relax.” Philippe, who had not drunk or smoked since his late teens, tried to follow his doctor’s “advice”.

“Given my personal and intimate circumstances, it was a plunge into dependence. At the beginning, it was one cigarette, two cigarettes, and a drink here and there. After three months, I was to 12 cans of beer a day. That’s how I became an alcoholic. I collapsed because this cursed drug weakened me sexually. Before, I could have a drink with friends or family. issue.”

“I then got drunk on champagne because I thought it was less bad for my health”

Hotels, bars… Philippe increased the number of outings and especially the drinks at this time. “I then got drunk on champagne because I thought it was less bad for my health. But it’s still alcohol. I don’t advise anyone to follow my example with champagne.”

“You know, alcohol is the traitor. You always think you’re in control of the situation. But in reality, it’s always the one in control.” Over the next few years, he experienced numerous alcoholic episodes where beer and champagne were part of his daily life, with significant peaks in 92 and 95.

“I was in my thirties and I thought my life was over,” recognizes the former alcoholic who thus fell into alcohol dependence… until the electroshock that occurred in March 95. The event was so significant that Philippe still remembers this weekend with precision. “Saturday March 25, 1995… That day, I overdid it. I was alone at home, I was ruminating and I went too far with alcohol.”

“I had to go to my parents’ house for dinner. When I got up from my chair, I couldn’t stand up. All night, I was afraid that the body wouldn’t be able to eliminate the alcohol. I I was afraid that it would cause irreversible damage to my entire physical nervous system. The drug had ruined my sexual nervous system. I was afraid that the rest would be affected in turn. the scare of my life. I thought I wasn’t even going to wake up.”

Fortunately, on the morning of Sunday March 26, Philippe was still there. “I said to myself: Heaven gives me a second chance, I must not waste it because there may not be a third.” His decision was then made: he had to fight his alcohol addiction.

Alcohol withdrawal: “My approach was not understood by everyone”

Shortly after this nightmarish night, Philippe consulted an alcoholologist near his home. “I talked to him about my case. He didn’t try to give me medication. He told me: listen, in your case, you have to stop overnight. If you touch a glass again, you’ll go back down . He was frank. He gave me the address of Alcoholics Anonymous right away.” The man, who was then in his thirties, followed the doctor’s recommendation to the letter. He stopped drinking alcohol altogether. “I quit alcohol overnight and it saved my life”he assures.

“Of course, the first days are very hard. You have to remain humble. You must not say: I will last 20 years without alcohol. Because otherwise, you will dive right back in. You have to say to yourself: I will last 24 hours, even 48 hours and rebuild yourself little by little. When you are at the bottom of the hole, you have to slowly climb back up.

“So, I lasted one day, then two days, then three. From a year onwards, it was already a good heritage. And I continued like this.”

To resist alcohol, Philippe started walking alone in nature for two hours a day. “This habit helped me regain self-confidence and learn to exist on my own, and especially without addictive substances.” Thirty years later, he continues to travel the paths of his region every morning to fight against his “own nature”. He also always stays away from big dinners and parties to isolate himself from temptation.

“My approach was not understood by everyone, but it’s what worked for me. By becoming skinny and without addiction, I saved myself. I have no cholesterol, no diabetes and no If I am still alive today at 68, it is not thanks to doctors, nor thanks to pharmacists, nor even thanks to women, it is thanks to my sobriety: zero cigarettes, zero alcohol. , zero medication.”

Alcoholism and temptation: “Until now, I have always resisted”

Although Philippe experiences withdrawal with much less difficulty today, it was not always easy. “I’ve had some hard blows in 30 years: the death of my mother, the death of my father, health problems… There, I was tempted by alcohol. At those times, I go to the local supermarket, I buy a bottle of champagne. But I stop there. Then when the trash goes, I throw it away. I have always resisted. I see these as personal victories. I tell myself: ‘You are capable of resisting temptation even when it is there’.” However, he recognizes that this defense mechanism is entirely personal to him, and not recommended by health professionals.

Alcoholism has been recognized as an illness by the World Health Organization since 1978. An element which has also made its way into the minds of the general public. But for Philippe, having problems with drinking is much more than a pathology. “I think that alcoholism is more serious than an illness. I see it as a psychological infirmity. We cannot live without our addiction. We cannot be cured. We always struggle.”

Given his personal experience, he admits to looking at Dry January with a wary eye. “People say, ‘Hey, I’m going to give up alcohol for a month’ and they think it’s an achievement. It’s good to stop for a month, but when there is a problem, you have to work in the long term.”

If for him, we must remain humble in the face of alcohol dependence disorders, he does not underestimate the value of his efforts and his journey. “My pride is in having managed to rebuild a life without addictive substances. This is my victory… so far. When I look in the mirror today, I am no longer ashamed of myself. I am no longer ashamed of myself. I no longer have the impression of being lost in society or in the family, as I did thirty years ago. I am proud of the progress I have made. And in life, you have to be proud of yourself.